Milieu Euphony (In Act Series #2)

Phase 6

PHASE SIX

TO QUESTION THE CORRELATION

In my attempt to appear as if my heart was with the sculptures, I envisioned what a sculptor would do before starting a project.

Saan siya unang pupunta? Saan siya kukuha ng inspirasyon? Saan siya mamamalagi at maghuhulma ng luwad gamit ang kan'yang kamay? Saan siya titigil at maghahanap ng tirahan upang pansamantalang tumira?

All those questions originated from my lack of direction. It was too much to answer by myself, that's why rather than be caged in finding answers, I opted for silence—the safest decision for a woman who wanted to be deaf.

After I visited The Raison yesterday, a bit of inspiration sparked inside of me; I was grateful for the bronze because of that. Because inspirations are directions—it gave me an idea on how should I start my project.

In the orientation of the sculpture class, we were informed of a project that we'll be working on before we graduate. It was to make a marble sculpture with the help of several people—a group work. A sculptor's thesis—that's what they called it.

The idea was nice, but the conflict would be the clash of ideas.

Anong technique ang gagamitin at sino ang dapat susundin? Hindi por que siya ang pinuno ay siya lang ang susundin. Kapag namamalakad, importanteng konsiderahin ang opinyon ng bawat isa dahil nakatutulong 'yon upang mapabilis ang trabaho.

But that's not the problem right now.

My problem was all about surviving in the discipline that I had chosen.

I liked sculpture—my current feeling about it. Posibleng magbago pa pero kakapitan ko muna ang pakiramdam na 'to upang magkaroon ng landas. Wala namang masama ro'n dahil hindi ko naman ginugulo ang buhay ng mga taong pinili ang disiplinang 'to.

Contrary to them, I'm a no-one in their expertise—I should've given off an image that I wasn't a threat. And, surely, my presence shouldn't be enough to tip off the balance in their community. Wala naman sa desisyon ko na makipagkompitensiya sa kanila dahil iba ang laban ko—iba rin ang kanila.

Unless that they'd be bothered by my passiveness just like the bronze that I talked to yesterday.

Either way, I won't think about it. Hindi naman nakatutulong 'yon sa paglalakbay ko.

After finishing one of my drawing classes, I headed to the dining hall for lunch.

Sa nakasasanayan, nakita ko ulit si Lavien na nakaupo sa hilera ng mga estudyante ng Fashion Design. At kahit na hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita, ebidensiya na ang pagiging isa niya ro'n na hindi na talaga siya nag-ba-ballet.

I got used to it eventually—her being caged in that discipline. She chose it, and it's not my responsibility to force her away from it. Wala rin naman akong karapatan dahil bakit ko pangingialamanan ang landas ng iba? Sila naman ang naglalakbay ro'n—sila ang nahihirapan. Labas ako sa paghihirap na 'yon.

Whenever I finished my lunch, I tried not to be seen by her as I walked away from the table. There were a lot of students inside that's why it was easy to blend in. It made their number easier for me to disappear.

What I was sure of—the zero chance for her to spare a glance at me because she was too occupied.

Pansin ko kung gaano niya kinakadena ang sarili sa disiplinang hindi naman niya gusto. Nauubos ang oras niya sa paghihirap do'n. Ngunit hindi ko malalaman kung bakit dahil ayaw kong lumapit upang magbitiw ng mga tanong na nanghihimasok.