Milieu Euphony (In Act Series #2)

Phase 16

PHASE SIXTEEN

THE SCULPTURE AND THE SCULPTORS

I woke up finding it hard to breathe. Not literally, but metaphorically.

Because I felt tired and empty, especially when I looked at the empty ceiling of my room. It reminded me of the ivory-white marble sculptures, and it was suffocating to the point that it reached my dreams.

I dreamt how I was happy in my chosen discipline—on how I went to Italy and followed someone that I looked up to as a mentor. The mentor was faceless, but he went with a strong built of a man who looked familiar but felt different, too.

But I knew I felt happy. I felt more open because my enthusiasm and curiosity returned. And that there was something different on how I looked at the marble in front of me—on how it didn't look boring and wasn't deafening.

It's as if I was a different person.

How and why?

Gusto ko nang maabot 'yon dahil pagod na pagod na akong hanapin ang lugar na matitigilan. Ilang taon ko nang sinusubukang maghanap ngunit hindi nagpakikita sa 'kin ang tahanan.

Pero baka wala talaga akong tahanan?

Baka wala talaga akong patutunguhan.

Baka nararapat lang talaga akong maglakbay habambuhay, walang titigilan.

Hindi ko ba talagang pwedeng takasan ang mga 'yon kahit saglit lang?

It's suffocating to the point of numbness. 

I wanted to go on in this journey and mask it as guidance, but for how long could I pretend that I was guided?

Pagkatapos magdamit nang maayos ay umalis ako sa kwarto, takot na mabingi ng malakas na tibok ng puso. Hindi na nagpaalam pa dahil wala naman akong kasama sa kwarto. Umalis ulit si Janica kaninang tanghali.

Naglakad patungo sa elevator habang tahimik na humihiling na huwag makita nang hindi sinasadya sina Lavien at Versechia.

I don't want them to know that I was lost—that I had no passion because I was ashamed of it. It was the only thing that brought us together, so for me to have none meant banishment.

But how about Lavien, Lael?

Yes, how about her?

Lavien's path was different, so who am I to be compared to her? They had passion, to begin with, while I struggled—rather, forced to have one. Or I did have one—sculpting—but I was rejected, I was unsure.

All I know was—I had been misled since I was young.

There were no people around when I got out of the dormitories, the only ones left were the sounds of crickets and the swift sound of the wind. It sounded peaceful to others, but it was the exact opposite for me.

I was confused why, but I didn't bother myself because it's not the reason why I went out for a stroll. I had no plans to leave the College because I had to get a permit whenever I wanted to go home.

Do I even want to go home?

Kaya kahit na naririndi at nililigaw ako ng pakiramdam dito, pinilit kong labanan upang malagpasan ang nakaharang.

The experience was needed for exploration, and I'd practice my skills as long as they could come in handy.

I continued to walk away from the dormitories and tried to engage myself with the darkness of the night.