All By Myself

Estella Jessalyn Davids

Social Anxiety happens, you just need to except it and understand it.

The fan on the ceiling was turning extremely fast like a lunatic. Desks were arranged facing me. Everyone was facing me. 20 eyes were on me. I looked out the window. The sun was shining and outside were children running around chasing each other. I looked back at my classmates. Everyone was waiting impatiently for me to say a word. My legs were noodles. The edge of my dried olive colored hair was dripping with sweat. The classroom was quiet, I could hear the fan buzzing with anger and the air conditioner blowing air.

Out of the 20 students, I was the spotlight and it was my time to shine. I dug through the crowd of eager students to find my best friend, Charmaine. She grinned from ear to ear and gave me a thumbs up. I took a deep breath. The breath was so deep that in the quiet room, everyone could hear me. I looked at Ms. Raegan. She was dressed in a blue blouse with jeans. Her hair was tied in a very messy pony tail. She was shifting her legs on the wooden floor. I took out a bunch of cue cards from my pocket. It was crooked and folded into many bits. It was out of order as well. While everyone was tired of waiting, I was rearranging my cards. It felt like an eternity.

I closed my eyes and started to give out my presentation about endangered animals. I wasn't sure what I was saying.

"There are only 400 tigers left in Africa '', I read from my cards.

My teacher looked extremely concerned. Charmaine kept cleaning her glasses, which wasn't very encouraging. My heart beaded faster than usual. My sweater was shaking as well. Suddenly I was stuck in the world of nerves, I couldn't escape. I was stuck alone in it. I tried and tried to fight all of my nerves in my head but it won't be defeated. While I was doing that, my dried lips were chanting words from my script. I should've written key information. I felt like being in a choir group, I was standing still, reading from pieces of papers.

"Estella Davids, please sit down, you're talking nonsense now", Ms. Raegan cut me. I was relieved and walked back to my seat which was in the 5th row. Everyone was staring at me except for Charmaine who tried to look as optimistic as she could.

"Charmaine Alphelion '' she called out and Charmaine walked with confidence up to the front of the class. I was about to clap for her like everybody did but someone yanked my pony tail really hard. It was a sharp pain and I let out an "ow". Luckily, Ms. Raegan didn't hear it but I heard giggling from the back seat.

"Muted Stella couldn't even keep her head straight for a dumb presentation", one of them whispered and the others were giggling.

"Back row, quiet please!", scolded Ms. Raegan from the front of the class.

I ignored everything they said and watched my best friend. Charmaine looked so confident in her overall's jeans and a long sleeve pink T-shirt. Her silvery blonde hair was loose down by her hips.People make fun of her for dressing like someone from the 90s but it's her sense of style. Charmaine delivered an amazing presentation about the effect of global warming. She had amazing body language, her tone and voice had pitch and prosody and she looked very enthusiastic. I wish I was half as good as she was. Everyone clapped their hands out extremely loudly.

"Listening everyone, Charmaine has amazingly demonstrated her public speaking skills, and I want everyone to use her as your role model. I don't want to see people reading from their cue cards, I don't want to see boring talks, I want something spectacular." Ms. Raegan explained, "Well-done Charmaine ''.

Charmaine has always been the smart one and the teacher's pet since Kindergarten, I was the opposite. Well, my grades aren't that bad As and Bs but there's just something about Charmaine that just makes her perfect.

The bell dismissed us all. Children were running down in the hallways. Left and right of me were stored with lockers and cabinets. Cars were stuffed in the front of the school. Students were rushing out as if they were running to claim seats at the Justin Bieber concert. Some girls were making Tik Toks and some were planning their next hang out.

"Hey!" Charmaine ran behind me, "Wait up!".

We both walked to the bus stop together in the mid-afternoon heat. The bus was crowded and full of people finding their next destination. I sat beside Charmaine.

"You did good in the presentation", she praised me.

"Not as good as you", I chuckled.

Suddenly my phone made a notification, I checked it and it was a message from my mum to our family group.

She sent a photo. It showed my brother standing holding a trophy. It was his chess tournament today and perhaps he won. I watched all of the family members congratulate him and there were no sparks of my name on it.

I have a perfect younger brother, Elliot. He's 10 but has a mind of Einstein. He won every single chess tournament he went to and every spelling bee contests. Me, in the other hand, is incomparable to Elliot. I wasn't gifted and I was passionate about computers and codes which my parents don't approve of. What's so bad about technology? It's basically a form of education too!

It got to my stop and I waved goodbye to Charmaine. I cracked open the door. It was empty obviously, maybe my parents are partying about Elliot's win. The house was so quiet that I could hear the birds chirping from miles away.