All By Myself

Autism

Parents should learn more about mental health illnesses and how to reduce them.

The night was blur. The only thing I could remember was digging my head deep in the pillow and just staying like that for the whole night. It wasn't surprising though because my parents always made me feel unloved by them unconsciously but no matter how many times this happens, it has a new way to slice through my heart. I felt like it rained forever on me, just like in cartoons when there's a piece of cloud always on top of you and it keeps raining. That's how I feel. The cloud is my parents and the rain is how many times they made me feel like a piece of junk.

In the morning I skipped breakfast because I don't feel like sitting in a table. I wanted to be isolated. It was a Sunday and I am praying that we won't go anywhere. I wore a long sleeves dress which made me feel comfortable. I swore to myself that I am not going to read Charmaine's diary anymore. I think I'll just go read. I am currently reading the Fantastic Beasts also by JK Rowling. I was about to go to the secret room when I saw my dad bursting into my room.

He was in a grey sweater and he looked sorried, maybe because what he did last night. I am not going to forgive him easily though. Well, that's what I thought he was going to talk about but apparently not. He stood there in front of me. I looked down on the floor. He was in there for a few moments when he finally spoke.

"Estella, are you autistic or something?", he asked.

"Uh, no?" I uncomfortably replied.

What on earth made him think that I was autistic. Oh yeah, autism is the only mental disability my parents have heard off. Great.

"Well, you keep being irritated over little things, like last night. Is it because of your phone or something?", he continued.

I stared at him. He knows I don't talk much so he wouldn't expect a full-blown reply from me. I don't know what to say. What does phones have to do with this? This is so confusing. I don't go on my phone much either. He should know what I do, he was the one who bought me the books. The only thing I do is read and code. That's it. My phone, I only use it to text Charmaine, Maya and Maxine. If he takes it away from me, I would feel all by myself because on my phone I could contact people that I think actually enjoys my presences.

I shrugged at dad. He's not going to apologize? After all he did last night.

"Why can't you just be like other kids? Can you just be normal?" he asked again.

"How do you describe your normality?" I made the quotation sign at the last word.

"I don't know, just go outside, play, come out for gatherings, spend time with your family and be like a normal kid"

I thought to myself. Spend time with my family? Oh right. All they care about is Elliot, that's all and how am I supposed to survive dinner parties when all they talk about is how I am a mistake and how Elliot is the golden child.

"Dad, leave me alone."

"Why do you want to be alone when you have a family to spend time with. Soon, you are going to be regretful when bad things happen to me, your mum and you brother, be grateful that you have a family. Look at Neville Tegan, he only has his dad and you have a whole family. Don't be such a brat." He lectured.

I rolled my eyes. At least Neville's dad loves him.

"Dad, I want to go read, please." I pleaded for him to leave.

"Fine, I expect a change in your behaviour young lady, I am not raising a total autistic brat. I don't want my child to end up in an asylum." He snapped and left, slamming the door behind him.

You may be surprised that I don't feel hurt at all about his words. I am just used to it, you know.

Parents mental health knowledge is so low. I still don't understand some of them are even CEOs of big companies when they can't even understand a child. Autism, the only mental health illness they know about. I wish more people would spread awareness about mental health to help kids and teens. Parents are ignorant when it comes to this. Jeez, parents should go to parenting trainings before starting a family.