All By Myself

Grief

The stages of grief.

I eventually came out of the bathroom and went back to class. I got many weird stares from people. I couldn't focus. I kept looking at Charmaine's old seat.

It was home time and I didn't talk to anyone. When I arrived home, I ignored mum and dad and locked myself in my room. I was angry. I hit the walls. I kicked the tables. I was mad. Why would she die so unexpectedly? Why would she die? Did she choose to die? Did she commit suicide? Why would she do so if she did? Why Charmaine? Why would you do that? Why would you leave me like that? Why would you even think about unliving yourself? You live the perfect life! You have parents that love you. You have parents that gives you attention. You have best friends. You have books. You have a life. Why would you cut it short?

I know the answer to my question but I didn't care about it. All I want is Charmaine. All I want is her. She left me. She left me here. She went without me. She is the worst. The worst friend I could ever ask for. Why did I even like her in the first place? Why did I even make her my best friend? Why didn't I come across that this day would come? Why? I don't care anymore. Perhaps Charmaine hates me. I looked over to my night stand and saw a framed photo of me and Charmaine dressed up in Hogwarts robes on Halloween. I grabbed it and threw it across the room. I slumped myself on my bed and screamed into my pillow. I cried again.

About an hour, I think I came back to my senses and put the picture back where it belonged. I am still upset with Charmaine, why would she do that?

Mum came into my room. She had a charming smile, long blonde hair that was dangling down her hip. Her blue eyes looked just like Elliot's.

"Dear are you ok?" mum asked.

"Do I look ok?" I snapped.

"Estella, you need to come to your senses." She spoke.

"How would I come to my senses when my best friend is dead!" I hissed angrily. "Forget it Mama, you don't understand!"

"Estella, forget about it, she's dead there's nothing you can do about it, you have more things you have to worry about dear. For now, get ready, we're going to pay respect at The Alphelions." She whispered.

"Mama, what do you mean forget it? You want me to forget about my best friend for 10 years? Mama, you don't understand anything at all!"

"Estella, you're pushing my buttons, friends are just friends, you'll make new ones soon, it's family that you can't make new ones."

"You think I'll easily make friends; no one can replace Charmaine but what ever mum, you are making it worst, I'll be down there, leave me alone!" I screamed angrily.

Mum softly nodded and left.

Why would mum say something like that about Charmaine? Family first? I have family that doesn't value me! Well, Elliot kind of does but Charmaine is worth 100 of him. She's dead. She's up in heaven. She's away from me. She's away from her family, her friends, she's away from earth.

I heard another knock in the door. It was Elliot. He was already dressed. He was in a button-down suit, when I flung the door opened, he hugged me.

"Estella, it's okay to be sad, I am here, even Charmaine isn't.", he said, "You think she wants you to be upset like this?"

"Thanks Elliot" I said with my eyes still welled up with tears.

"Get dressed alright, you can always talk to me when you're sad."

He left the room and I got dressed in a white dress with a black cardigan.

We went to the Manor where the funeral was held at. There were many people there and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Alphelion by Charmaine's coffin.

I ignored everyone and ran over to the coffin where I saw my best friend's dead body. I looked at her white pale skin.

"Estella." Her mother hugged me.

I ignored whatever else she said and I just stared at Charmaine. My eyes didn't back off.

"Where's her glasses?" I cried to Mrs. Alphelion. "She needs her glasses! She couldn't see without them."

"Estella, dear." Mr. Alphelion was at his lowest.

"It doesn't matter! She needs her glasses; Charmaine needs her glasses!" I cried louder. "She can't see without them!"

"Estella, dear, she left this note for you." Mrs. Alphelion handed me an envelope ignoring my statements.

"Thank you for being such an amazing friend to her Estella, she's in a better place now." Mr. Alphelion whispered softly. His long blonde hair became darker, it's not possible that it's darker maybe it's just my vision. I looked again in her coffin. I want to grab her body and hug her; I can't do that. Her skin was as white as paper, her lips were blue, her face lost all of it's cheerful colour.