All By Myself

Forgotten

Parents tend to neglect a child without knowing.

It was Saturday and my aunt and uncles are coming over. Mum is polishing all of Elliot's trophies in the living room. Yes, it's displayed. I am still wondering over Charmaine's diary. She is probably terrified by now that she lost it. I messaged her but she didn't answer. Oh right, she has been grounded I forgot. The reason is her not getting an A+ on her report card. Her parents' expectations are to me, as high as the sun. I found another entry about that.

03/06/2021

I got my report card. Straight As, what could possibly go wrong? Oh yes, there's a lot wrong. Father have been lecturing me for hours now about not getting an A+ and he keeps bringing up how he got straight A+s all of his life. What do you expect? He has the doctorate degree and he wants me to do the same. Come on, what is it about not getting an A+? I got them most of the months except from this and my parents expect me to get it every single month. How is that even possible? For me? I feel stressed. My parents are putting Mount Everest on me. The pressure presses me more than Mount Everest on my back. It's making my brain explode. I couldn't do this. I couldn't meet their expectations. According to Dad, I am a "disappointment to the Alphelion family name". My family are prestigious and smart and I am not. I hate having all the attention to me. If I had an older brother or something that is smart, they could just care about him, like Estella but I guess I have to live with this, at the moment.

Pity filled every inch of my body. I felt so bad for her. I want to help her but I didn't know how. Also, if I did ask her about it, she would know that I was reading her diary. Let's just stay quiet for now, I guess.

I was still digging through Charmaine's diary. I want to know more of the secrets but at the same time I felt guilt explode all over my body. I didn't have her permission to read it and I am extremely guilty but I couldn't get enough of it. I found another entry, way more depressing than the others.

24/03/2021

I am here to vent, again. I got in an argument with my parents. It started off when Father was going on and on how he was so smart in his school years. He talked about how education was very important for the 5000th time I heard in my life. Mother decided to join in and talked about her years as well. To me, I felt numb. They criticized me too much that in my brain, when they talk, I don't feel or hear anything. I don't know why I said this but I said "Passion is more important than education", I regretted everything I said by my parents' reactions. Mother looked like she has been hit by an anger bullet. I saw the anger flare up in father's body. I knew I made the wrong move. Father's eyes caught mine. The grey eyes met each other. Father started to yell out things to me that even the numbness can't hold. They were unpleasant and abusive. He said I was a disgrace to the Aphelion family. I couldn't doubt more to be honest. He started to say things that were featured in children's nightmares. Well, it's in real life for me. He almost started to get physical when mother pulled him back. He calmed down and shot a deadly glare at me. Mother signaled me to go to my room and that's where I am right now. Crying and wetting my diary. I was a disappointment. I was a disgrace, I was a failure, I brought shame to the family.

I felt bad for Charmaine, I can't watch her go through this. Tears welled up in my eyes. I hugged the diary. Being in my brother's shadow was already so bad but when Charmaine is terribly compared to her parents, it's way worse. I felt like a spear was shot through my heart. It broke into millions of pieces. It was shattered like glass, it turned into sand.

Suddenly I heard knocking on the door. Great, they are here. I took a deep breath and wiped out my tears. I had to keep my "doll face". I strutted down the stairs. My uncle was dressed up in a suit and my aunt was in a fluffy blazer was ripped jeans. I greeted them and tried to show as little emotions as I could. Elliot came downstairs and started to give them a tour about his trophies. Mum and Dad watched delightfully. I was forced to set the table when they had social interactions. It's a good thing though. It's the number 1 way to avoid conversations.

I heard them saying things about Elliot, wasn't surprising right?

"Oh yeah, he just won another chess competition", Dad proudly told them.

"He's a genius but how about Estella?" my aunt asked.

My ears twitched. Let's see what they were about to say.

There was a moment of dead silence. Mum tried to say something but stuttered. My uncle looked extremely confused.

"Uh um she's fine, yeah, Bs and Cs "Dad said in disappointment.

What?! What on earth was she saying? I showed him to his face that I finally got As and now he forgotten. That's was you get for always thinking about Elliot. You don't even remember what I got in my exams and let alone maybe even what grade I am in. I kept a smile on my face even though inside of my body is burning up. Dad walked to me and he saw my expression.

"Come on, stop always being irritated or frustrated, your mind is like a wild fire" he said.

Well yeah, it's a wild fire when you couldn't even recall my grades. I guess I am not even your child. You are too focused on Elliot. I stared and him and muttered "Yeah right, you couldn't even remember what your eldest daughter got in her exams, oh wait am I even your daughter?"

I saw him gasped in disbelieve. I am not like this. I rarely speak. I choose to shut up because if I talked, I would cause more trouble.

I ran up the stairs. I made every step louder and louder as I went. I slammed the door to my room and threw myself on my bed. I couldn't cry. I cried all of my tears for 13 years already. I had no more tears to cry. It's like I ran out. Maybe I did.