Say It Ain't So, I Will Not Go - A Luke Hemmings fanfic

part 28

I rolled on to my back and exhaled heavily. It’d been an hour and I still hadn’t slept at all. The door to the room opened again & I sat up, turning on the lamp. Calum had come in. ‘It’s only me, babe,’ he said quietly. ‘Don’t panic, I’m not gonna hurt you.’ ‘I know’ I answered quietly. ‘I didn’t wake you up,’ he observed as he made his way over to the bed and sat down.  ‘You can’t wake someone up if they weren’t asleep in the first place.’ I pointed out. ‘You came up hours ago, are you alright?’ He asked. ‘Why can’t you sleep?’ ‘I don’t know, Calum.’ I sighed, even though I knew he’d see right through the lie I felt I was telling myself more than I was telling him.

‘Did Luke say something?’ He asked. ‘No, Calum;’ I replied, tensing slightly at his assumption and suddenly protective manner. ‘No matter how this works out you can’t let your friendship with Luke go because of me. I’d never forgive myself.’ I said bluntly. ‘And that’s not even taking into account what you two fighting would do to the fans.’ I added. ‘Kels-‘ I cut him off. ‘Promise me, Calum.’ I demanded. ‘I promise.’ He replied sincerely. ‘But that’s not what I was getting at,’ he added. ‘It’s something to do with Luke though, isn’t it?’ He asked, revealing his ulterior motive.

‘I don’t know why I agreed to it, Calum. It made him so happy. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I’m just not sure,’ I rambled. ‘So you regret saying yes?’ He enquired. ‘I thought you’d be happy.’ ‘I am happy,’ I sighed. ‘I don’t regret saying yes,’ I went on; ‘I just feel so bad for being happy because of what being with me is going to cost Luke,’ I admitted, trying to explain my thoughts to my best friend; even though they barely made any sense to me. ‘It’s a bittersweet, sickly happy, Calum,’ I paused. ‘It almost feels like guilt,’ by this point I couldn’t look him in the eye. ‘What’s wrong with me, Calum?’ I asked, ‘why do I feel like this? This isn’t how this is meant to work,’ I paused again. ‘It’s not fair,’ I whispered.

Cal pulled back the covers, laid down next to me & pulled me close to him without saying anything. He let me cry into his shoulder quietly for a while as he traced patterns onto my arm with his fingertips, even kissing the top of my head as I calmed down.

‘Feel better?’ He asked. ‘Much,’ I replied greatfully. ‘Thanks, Cal,’ I added with a smile which he returned. We sat in an easy silence for a while. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart,’ Calum eventually said. ‘Anyone would be lucky to have you,’ he added. ‘Luke knows that, and he’s never been prouder of anything than he was when he told us you said yes.’ He hugged me tighter. ‘You’ve had a long day, a lot’s happened, and it’s all probably getting to you considering the time of month,’ he went on. ‘You probably just need a good sleep and some time to let everything settle, is all’ he added calmly. ‘Everything will be fine,’ he promised. ‘Trust me.’

I yawned in response to Calum’s speech. ‘Good night, Kels,’ he chuckled. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he added. ‘Sweet dreams, beautiful.’ He hugged me tighter & kissed the top of my head again, before climbing out of bed, tucking me in & flashing a small smile. ‘Love you, babe,’ he said quietly. ‘Get some sleep.’ ‘Love you, too, loser,’ I chuckled as he walked across the room. ‘I know,’ he grinned cheekily before shutting the door behind him as I turned off the lamp; finally relaxing enough to drift off to a much needed sleep.