Forgotten Love [Loki x reader] (Part 2)

Chapter 18

-- your POV --

I'm sitting on our bed, crying, while Loki is getting the rest of the suitcases back into the house and apologises by the driver. It was a silent agreement that we both made after I told him something that I don't know is true or not. It's just been too many emotions and I didn't want to leave and I didn't want this time with him to end. Yes, it wasn't always easy but that's because we both don't know how this works; living with another person and caring for each other.

He didn't come upstairs immediately after the door closed. I know that this is just as difficult for him as it is for me and if I would be in his place I would hesitate too. When he finally came upstairs it was awkwardly silent again and no one said something. I didn't feel like I should say something because I would make everything much worse than it already is and Loki just didn't know what to say in general. Loki just wanted to say something when I talked above him.

-Y/n: "I'm sorry, Loki. To be honest I don't even know if it's true what I said."

-Loki: "Then why did you say it?"

-Y/n: "I would have said it sooner or later. It's been in my head for a week now and I can't stop it."

-Loki: "Wait. Is that why you behaved like you did?"

-Y/n: "I wanted to prevent a situation like this." And once again everything was silent. I feel like a proper idiot. I knew from the beginning that I shouldn't say it, or at least not in this situation.

-Loki: "Do you mean it?" He asks after a while, his voice sounds hesitant. And suddenly every word in my vocabulary is gone.

-Y/n: "No... yes.. maybe.. Urgh I don't know Loki, alright?"

-Loki: "Then why did you think it?" I stood up from the bed.

-Y/n: "I don't know! This is just as new for me as it is for you, okay? And I understand if you're not feeling the same as I do, so just say it instead of talking around it." He takes a step closer to me.

-Loki: "I just need to know if you mean it." And another step. I cross my arms in front of myself and swallow. Okay, here we go.

-Y/n: "What if I do? You will never love me back and even if you would, this could never work. We both have no idea how to love or how to care for someone else. We're selfish." I feel like I just ran a marathon.

-Loki: "But I can't be selfish with you." His voice sounds vulnerable.

-Y/n: "Then I have to be selfish for the both of us. I didn't mean it, I just wanted to stay for a little longer." I took a long breath, blinking away some tears. "There you have your answer." My voice broke at the end.

-Loki: "Don't lie to me, please." His voice sounds like he's on the edge of crying too.

-Y/n: "I'm not." A single tear is running down my cheek.

-Loki: "You've never asked what I feel."

-Y/n: "Does it matter, Loki? We're doomed to be alone." I Lift my voice a bit.

-Loki: "But we can do this together. We can be alone together."

-Y/n: "Maybe we should've taken the plane. Maybe you were right and I shouldn't have opened my mouth at all. We could be at home and none of this would have happened and we would-"