𝕚𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕪 | p.p. x reader | book two.

𝔼𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕟

I think the first thing that woke me up was the smell of vomit.

After hours of crying I had finally fallen asleep, and apparently nobody had come in to check up on me because the puddle of vomit was now halfway dried to the carpet. I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my eyes and staring at the ceiling until the smell became so overbearing I almost threw up again. I finally lugged myself out of bed, grabbing the empty bucket and scrubbing brush out of the closet before filling the bucket with soap and water in the bathroom. I started to scrub, doing my best to clean up what had become stuck in the carpet. After about a half an hour, I had finally gotten most of it out.

I didn't know what time it was when I went downstairs. The light streaming in from the windows blinded my eyes, giving me cause to rub my eyes so they'd stop hurting. Tony was hunched over the kitchen table, scribbling something on a piece of paper while Scott flipped through a book. Thor was sat in a chair in the corner staring out of the window, and Bruce was flipping through old composition notebooks. I didn't know where Steve or Clint were, and I didn't realize Rocket was in the room until he said something to me.

"How yah doing kid?"
"Better. How long was I out?"
"23 hours." Tony turned around in his chair. "When was the last time you got proper sleep?"
"Uhm," I just let out a distressed chuckle. "I'd rather not answer the question."
"You gotta start taking better care of yourself, kid."
Steve stood in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed.
"I know, it's just really hard sometimes."
"Maybe you just need to talk about it."
"Steve, I don't need a therapy session."
"I know. But you haven't gone to the garden in a while."

I opened my mouth to say something but shut it, grabbing my jacket and passing Steve on my way out the door.
"You know I really hate it when you do that."

I grabbed the keys out of my bag, unlocking my car that sat in the corner of the parking lot. The engine purred as I pushed the keys into the ignition, hands gripping the steering wheel as my foot pushed down on the pedal. I pulled out of the parking lot, heading in the direction of somewhere I hadn't even thought about visiting with all the commotion that was going on.

There were no cars at the graveyard today.  Usually, the parking lot would be packed with those visiting their loved ones, trying to find comfort in those they had lost. Today there was nobody, nobody here to grieve, or cry, or tell stories. Maybe everyone had finally given up, given in to all of the madness of being alone.

The leaves crunched under my feet, a soft breeze kicking up dust and dead plant life.  I stopped once I reached the gravestone.

"Hi mom."
I shoved my hands in my pockets.
"I know I always try to visit you everyday but lately I've got a lot on my plate. But I've got so much to tell you, I guess."
I sat down in front of the grave, legs crossed and back straight.
"I, uhm, I discovered time travel, so that's pretty cool I guess." I just laughed. "And, uhm, I discovered why you said you like the seventies so much. I still hate the music but the aesthetic is cool at least.

"I'm not doing well, though. I'm back to the way I used to be and I'm afraid this time I'm not gonna be able to come out of it."
I wiped the small bit of tears that had begun to fall.
"I've lost so many people in the past few years. First Adam, then you, and then Dad and Peter, and now Nat. I know we're trying to get Dad and Peter back but I'm so tired that I'm starting to lose that hope. I just wish you were here because you could tell me what to do."
"Searching for some consolation in the lost ones?"

I turned around after being startled by the voice of a woman, standing up and dusting off my pants. Her stature was thin, although she didn't look too much older than me-well, as old as I was supposed to be-maybe 25, 26. The part of her hair that framed her face was a bright white, and her eyes seemed to shift color depending on where within them I looked.  She smiled at me, a smile that was neither upsetting nor comforting. She wore an expensive fur coat and jeans, designer boots and diamonds from head to toe.