The Foolproof Plan

Chapter 39: FALLING ACTION

Bella sat on the couch looking down at her clasped hands. I sat next to her, but not too close. I didn't want to crowd her.

I told her everything from the beginning. I was determined to win her back; first, with gifts and material things, then with Minda's terribly misguided advice--most of which I never actually followed. I told her that Minda made passes at me that I felt I couldn't outright reject because she might have told everyone about our supposed sexual encounter.

I also told Bella that I thought Minda was lying because I had no recollection of that event. I'd been drunk before but never to the point that I'd engage in some type of sexual activity without realizing it or remembering what I did. Yet, Minda had been so insistent that I became uncomfortable and no longer felt worthy of touching the woman I loved.

I apologized for hitting Jimin because it made it seem that I was angry with her, but I wasn't. I was no one to point fingers or lay blame. I had just lost my temper.

I sighed. "I guess my foolproof plan was pretty foolish. You probably think that it was all an act that I was putting on just to get you back. I know how it looks, but it was never my intention to trick you or anything like that." I sighed again. "If you decide that you don't really want to deal with me anymore, I'll understand. I won't like it, but..." I glanced at her "...but all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."

She nodded. "Thank you. Deep down inside I know that you'd never hurt me. And I do love you, Jin. I love you so much. To distraction. But that's just it." She reached out and put her hand over mine. "There are just too many distractions. I have just a few weeks left in the semester. I need to concentrate and work hard. I'm so stressed out already. I don't need drama. I don't need things that use up all my energy."

"I know." I could feel a heavy stone settling onto my chest. I couldn't breathe.

"I really wanted things to work out. I knew I'd be crazy busy, but I also wanted you. I wanted you so badly that I forgot what I had set out to do, which was to concentrate on my goals. So much depends on me right now. I know you want to help me. I know that, and I love you so much for that. So much! But I have to do this on my own."

"I know."

She squeezed my hand. "I love you." She leaned closer to me. "Kiss me, sweetie."

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I reached out my arms and pulled her closer to me. I looked into her beautiful eyes for a moment, wanting to pour all of my love into them so that she would know she'd never be alone. No matter where she went.

I kissed her deeply and pulled back. "It's only a few more months. Right? I can manage. We can manage." I noticed she was crying again.

"I-I don't know." She sniffled. "I've already been accepted to a graduate program. And they've offered me a scholarship."

"That's great! That's--"

"It's ---- University."

I inhaled. "That's...four hundred miles away." I tried to smile.

"M-Maybe...maybe I shouldn't go." Her voice was soft and hoarse. "I should just stay here. With you. I'll apply for graduate school again next fall. Right?" Her hazel eyes looked into mine for reassurance.

"Oh, Bella!"

I pulled her into my body and placed my lips over hers. She felt soft and pliant in my arms. I nipped at her bottom lip, begging for permission to enter. She opened her lips and pulled me even closer. I let her lead. She kissed me fiercely, passionately. She kissed from my jaw to my neck and then returned to my lips. We hugged and kissed and squeezed each other for a long time, but not long enough. I tasted saltiness on my tongue and pulled back to see her tears flowing freely down her face.

"No, Bella," I whispered, wiping her tears with my thumb. "No tears." I kissed her again. "Don't cry, darling. Don't cry. You know you have to go. It's why you graduated early. The scholarship is important. It'll be fine. You'll be fine, my darling."

Her body was shaking with silent sobs as I hugged her tightly and murmured comforting words.

After a while, her trembling subsided, and she pulled away from me. She wiped her face with her hand then noticed the ruby ring. "I-I should give this back." She began to remove the ring. I stopped her.

"No. It's yours. You know I love you and will wait however long it takes. Keep the ring in its box. When you are ready to commit to us, please wear it again. Then you can come back to me."

"Jin. I love you, but I can't make you wait for me. What if--"

I touched her lips with my finger. "You're not making me wait. It's my choice." I kissed her.

She pulled away. "But what about us? What'll happen? We'll be so far apart."

"Hey, it's not that bad. I can still go visit you," I continued hopefully, but I somehow knew that it wasn't going to happen. I knew that she needed time to settle herself in, to study in order to keep her scholarship. I knew that I owed her that much. "Anyway, we'll see," I finished.

"Y-Yeah. We'll see." She pressed her lips together. "Uh, I guess I'll be really busy. I mean, you, too, right? You're almost done with your master's. You'll have lots of work. I wouldn't...I'd never want to distract you. So, yeah, we'll see. It'll all turn out okay."

We both knew what was happening, but we had chosen to pretend. Not because we were dishonest but because we didn't know how to make the final break.

"Oh, yeah, it'll be okay."

Then I helped her onto her feet and walked her to the door, pretending it was just a normal day, and that we weren't potentially saying goodbye forever.

She squeezed my hand. "Uh, I'll send Cindy to pick up my, uh, things."

"Of course. No problem." I surprised myself at the steadiness in my voice. "I wish you the best of luck." I realized I was still holding her hand tightly and let go. We stared at each other silently because we knew how much we loved each other, and we knew that it didn't change anything.

She smiled, blinking back tears, then walked out of my apartment.

I closed the door. "Goodbye, Bella," I whispered. "And good luck."