Chapter 40: ANOTHER SPRING

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"So what are your plans for summer?" Namjoon asked. We were lazing on my sofa watching TV. "Staying in town? Traveling?"

I rolled my head to look at him. "Nothing, really. You?"

He made a face. "I have to wait for my schedule. The publisher is pushing the next book out in June, and my manager is going haywire with the book tour. I mean, the thing's done. I can't believe it took a year to get it together. I thought the book would be the hard part. Turns out it's just the start."

I smiled at him. "Look at you, Mr. Big-Time Author. When can I officially say I knew you when? Don't forget my autographed copy before you become too important to talk to me."

He flashed his dimpled smile and looked down. "Nah, bro, that'll never happen. We'll always be best friends. All of us."

"Have you heard from Hobi?"

He nodded. "Oh, yeah. His dance company is performing in a broadcast next week. He said he'd text us all the exact time and channel. They've been rehearsing nonstop."

"I'll bet."

"And I believe one of Yoongi's compositions will be used in the performance."

I smiled. "Again, awesome! Well, Tae is going home with his parents, but he's supposed to be back in July. He wants to start moving his things out of the apartment. I think Jimin is already packing." I sighed. "Hard to believe that Jungkook's first year of college is over. He invited me to go to the beach with his family, but..." I finished with a shrug.

"Great! Why don't we both go? I'm planning to drive over. Come with me." He looked at me with concern, and I knew what he was thinking.

He didn't want me to sit at home alone and brood. Everyone was getting on with their lives, and I was still stuck in place. I had fallen behind a semester due to all the previous year's craziness. I'd had to repeat some classes I missed when I had been in a funk over what happened, but I got back on track and managed to finish. I should be happy. I should be living it up. I should be doing a lot of things instead of what I was doing. And what was I doing?

I was missing her.

"Any word?" Namjoon's voice was soft, almost inaudible. But I understood the entire question.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I just shook my head. I kept my eyes on the TV even though they couldn't focus on anything right now. I had no more tears to cry, no more anger or denial left in me. After I finished my master's degree, I supposed I'd move away. I even contemplated going back to the Kim Worldwide Incorporated offices. The situation with my father had de-escalated since the Fiona Gettis incident last year. 

Instead, I'd just hung around town, not doing much. Trying not to feel. And failing miserably.

It seemed a lifetime ago when I almost married someone I didn't love because I had lost all hope. At that time, Bella had stopped talking to me, and I had been so lost. This time we talked until the very moment that I sent her out of my life. I told her to go for her own good, and she left. Now I lived through another spring without her. Ironically, spring was supposed to be the time for lovers to celebrate their love and passion. Spring for me only brought heartache.

Namjoon cleared his throat, and it brought me out of my thoughts. "Hey, all hope's not lost, right? Omnia vincit amor."

"Hm. Love conquers all," I muttered. "More like love kicks your ass. What's the Latin for that?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"Or how about 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here'?"

"Well, I should get home," he said, probably not wanting to see me descend into self-pity. "Let me know if you want to ride with me to the beach." He got up from the sofa. "Or better yet, let's take your Lambo, huh? I haven't made my millions yet."

I chuckled and nodded. "Sure, sure. I'll talk to you later. And...thanks, Joon." He'd proved his friendship many times over. I didn't even mind that he was once infatuated with Bella. Namjoon was the type of person I could trust with my life. I trusted him more than I trusted myself. I think he knew. So, when I repeated "Thanks" to him, I knew he understood everything that I did not say.

"Of course." He waved and went out the door.

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