Ducem Mortis | The Mandalorian

XXIX

My heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest. Some daylight started to break out as the nearest star started to rise. If it wasn't for the calming whistles of the early birds I probably wouldn't be able to think straight.

What do I even say to him? What do you say to someone that leaves you when you needed them the most? I was sad, angry, depressed, and now wasn't sure. Maybe this was the step I needed to take in order to move past what I was, which honestly was nothing. I felt numb, like there was a void.

It wasn't until I heard the rustle of grass next to me that I knew he was here. I didn't bothering looking at him as my gaze went to the grass to my side. It was silent as neither of us spoke, this was the closest I voluntarily allowed myself be to him since he came back. A breeze came by causing a shiver to run through my body. I could feel Din's eyes on me before he spoke, "Are you cold?"

I looked at Din from the corner of my eye before looking back up towards the rising star. What kind of question was that? No I'm burning up, come on Din. I felt something thick cover my shoulders causing me to get out of daydreaming. It registered to me that it was Din's cape that he wore that was wrapped around me. However, unlike the other times he did this I did not pull it close.

"Astraea," Din started causing me to shake my head before turning my head to meet his helmet, "No, let me talk first." I said before looking away from him. I licked my lips before shaking my head, "Why? Why did you do it?" Din started to talk but before he could get an actual sentence out I interrupted him, "Why did you leave?" I finished with looking at Din, I could feel tears running down my face but I didn't care. The only way I was going to be able to move on was by facing this.

"I did it to protect you." I rolled my eyes before shaking my head, "Bullshit Din. That's bullshit and you know it." Din was quiet as I continued, "Was it because of what I said."

"No, no it wasn't that. I just couldn't-,"

"Couldn't what," I said interrupting him again. "I couldn't see you get hurt again. Astraea you said it yourself back when we were on Corvus. Whenever you use your katana it takes a toll on you. The only way to stop you from using it was to get you out of the environment." I scoffed at Din words, "And look where that got me." I shook my head before putting my hands on my knees trying to get up, "You know what, this was pointless."

Din got up with me before grabbing my hand, "Astraea I need your help."

"And when I needed yours where were you?" Din was quiet as my words stuck into the air. "Did you mean what you said?" Din asked causing me to give him a slightly confused look, "What are you talking about?"

"When you told me you loved me." Din said causing me to freeze for a second. "No, you aren't going to change the subject like that." I said shaking my head trying to pull my hand from his. But Din had a death grip on my hand, not letting me go. "Astraea I need to know."

"Why, for what reason. It doesn't matter anymore." I said as I again tried to pull my hand from his. This time it worked and my hand was free. I was taken off guard causing me to stumble a bit back by how hard I attempted to pull. Din's helmet when lowered as he looked at the ground as he spoke, "What if it did matter." My eyes widen as Din continued to speak, "What if I told you I felt the same, that I lov-,"

"Shut up." I said shaking my head. Din took a couple of steps forward as he stood in front of me, "Astraea I lied to you that night. I lo-," I cut the man off as I held my hand out, hitting him on my chest even though I knew that due to his armor it wouldn't have even hurt. "No, you don't get to say that." I continued to hit his chest as I continued, "I. Trusted. You. With everything I had and you just left." Tears started to stream down my face as I let it out. "You left me and my mother died. The only person I wanted to comfort me was you and you weren't there." I said before my hands left from his chest. "I wish I could hate you. I really do, hating you would be easier than it has been to love you."