Dear Holy Spirit

🔥 13 | Faithful Friend

Dear Holy Spirit,

There are times I struggle with trust issues, especially when it comes to friends.

It's not that I don't love them. It's just that... if I'm gonna open up, I don't think they would understand enough.

You know, sometimes I just want someone to be there. Like to be just there and listen to me.

This pandemic made me realized who my true friends really are.

Holy Spirit, it hurts so much to know how much love and effort you are willing to give to people yet they can't even show up on your desperate days.

It seems as if those people who mindlessly say "I appreciate you" only appreciates you when you are "on fire". It's not that I want their appreciation. Perhaps I just yearn for a two-way kind of friendship. Like when the both of you are willing to make time just to bond and talk about the Bible, and Jesus and souls and eternal life. You know, talking "just because".

But now, I feel like people only talk to you out of obligation.

I'm tired of being the friend who's "always there", the one who's always adjusting, the one who's always understanding.

Why do people always come up with excuse? It's as if they never run out of reasons.

But you know what? I also realized something else.

I'm that kind of friend who also comes up with excuse. Who doesn't run out of reasons. Who doesn't show up on some days. Who doesn't nurture friendship for it to be two-way, who only talks and chats out of obligation. On some days, I'm that kind of friend to You too.

I was so distracted on my frustrations towards other people that I forgot my friendship with You.

How am I being a friend to You? How am I spending time with You? How am I listening to You? How am I honoring You? How am I loving You? How am I making myself available to You?

All this time I was grieving You as I prioritized my emotions over You.

But You know what? Even though I was the most stubborn, unfaithful and immature friend, You never left my side.

When I was busy finding friends who will just be there and listen to me and try to understand me, You were the One who was there.

When I was wondering when will I ever have people who could show up on those days I wanna see them, You were the One who was there.

When I was dreaming to find friends whom I can talk randomly about theology, how we could leave on this earth with a legacy, You were the One who was there.

I'm sorry for those times I set You aside. You don't deserve that kind of treatment.

I realized I can never be a faithful friend on my own. That's the reason why You have been inviting me to Your presence so I can share with Your faithfulness.

Holy Spirit, I wanna be faithful to You. I wanna be a friend to You. Like how Enoch was walking with You that he was not for God took him. Like how You described Your close fellowship with Noah on the book of Genesis. Like how You were with Joseph the Dreamer in every season of his life. Like how You were talking with Moses face to face. Like how You are in perfect communion with the Father and the Son.

Holy Spirit, I want that too.