Dear Holy Spirit

🔥15 | Internal Battle

Dear Holy Spirit,

There's this perpetual tug of war in my soul, a constant struggle of pushing and pulling, an inner turmoil I cannot seem to escape.

There's so much going on in my mind. But what's more terrifying is to realize how one's heart can be filled with so much pride, so much vanity, so much foolishness.

I realized today, the devil is not my main opponent. You have given me weapons to wage war in the spirit. I have the authority to bind and loose things in Your Name, to declare Your Word against principalities. For the weapons of my warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.

I realized today, the greatest threat to my life is not the devil. My greatest enemy is myself.

It's hard to battle with the flesh and the things it desires. Because sometimes, I'm siding in with my flesh, I'm siding in with my carnality, I'm siding in with my sinful nature. When that happens, I know to myself I'm opposing You. And that's more heartbreaking than being tricked by the devil. Because this time, it was not the deception that lured me to grieve Your Spirit, it was my choice.

My heart is fighting against pride, against vanity, against foolishness. Holy Spirit, I'm terrified every time I'm starting to lose compassion for people. I'm terrified that my discouragement will come to a point when I will finally get tired of loving them. I'm terrified of the thought that I'm acting out of character as a child of God and starting to look more like the devil.

Holy Spirit, I'm afraid of getting consumed with pride. I'm afraid of completely losing Your "manifested" presence. I'm afraid that even as Your child, You have to oppose me for being prideful. And most of all, I'm afraid of labeling myself as "humble" when in reality, You can see through my heart full of selfishness, poisoned by my own carnality.

Regardless of that, I still thank You for convicting me of my sins. For reminding me that I'm not alone in this struggle. That You are not going to leave me defeated in my own disgrace. That You are for me and never against me. That You are working all things together for my good because You have called me for a purpose.

Thank You, Holy Spirit. Thank You for not giving up on sanctifying me. Thank You because I know I have sinned. Thank You because I'm aware of this internal battle. Thank You because even in those moments when I feel like a failure, You are working on becoming me more like Christ.

Holy Spirit, help me to will embrace this sanctification process until Jesus returns.