Dear Holy Spirit

🔥 22 | You Tell Me

Dear Holy Spirit,

Lord, tell me, do I really love You? After all these years of seeking You and serving You, did I really love You?

I always say I love You. In my secret place, in public place. I was never ashamed to proclaim my love for You.

But these days, I'm battling with thoughts I can't fully understand.

Lord, minahal ba talaga Kita?

Ang pagmamahal Niyo sa akin, hindi na kwestyon 'yun. Pero 'yung pagmamahal ko sa Inyo, maaaring kwestyonable.

Kaya nasasaktan ako. Kasi simula n'ung nakilala Kita—Ikaw lang ang ginusto ko. Ikaw lang ang hinanap ko. Kahit walang wala na ako, Ikaw lang ang kaligayahan ko.

Lord, Ikaw lang naman eh.

But now, I'm starting to question myself, do I really love You? Because if I do, it must be evident in my life.

You know, I must inspire others to love You too. However, I'm not even sure if I have been doing it, or if I'm doing it right.

Sometimes, I feel like a fig tree. The barren one.

Dry. Fruitless. Useless.

I feel like I'm that fig tree Jesus mentioned in His parable. I feel like I deserved to be cursed too.

Those who truly love You bear fruit. I don't bear fruit. So, is it safe to say that I don't love You?

But I have been abiding. All these years. That's what I have been doing. That's what we have been doing.

So, maybe I really did love You.
But maybe, just maybe, I didn't love You enough.