Sarah Paulson Character One-shots

You said forever - Sally McKenna

A/N: thank you so much for almost 9k reads!! it really means a lot that you're all enjoying my oneshots! if you have any requests, then please don't hesitate in sending me a message :) gif not mine

Prompt: Inspired by the song drivers license but has nothing to do with a drivers license.

TW: drugs, death, drug use, angst, 

Walking down a narrow pathway, you realise this was a mistake. You shouldn't be here. It's only hurting you further, the fact she is no longer with you. You haven't visited her grave in almost six months, so today, after speaking with your therapist about it, you decide it's time to. On the way here, however, you bumped into your friend. It pissed her you're coming here. She's worried you're going to do something stupid, but you're not. You just want to talk to her. You just want to talk to Sally. 

You kneel down beside the flat slab of concrete where Sally is resting. Neither you nor Sally's family could afford a different headstone. Something good enough for her. It's not like they care, anyway. Sally's family are just too far up their own asses to even care about their low life junkie daughter. You place a single oxeye daisy, Sally's favourite flower, down on the damp earth and sit on the concrete path beside it. The wind blowing in your face; the coolness sending shivers down your spine. You hate being at places like this.

Taking a deep breath, you try to summon up the courage to speak, but nothing comes out. Only a shaky exhale. You bring your knees up, tucking them closer to your chest as you look down at the concrete stone "Sally McKenna December 17th 1964 - August 25th 1994" 

"It's Monday, May 8th 1995. You've been gone for eight months and eleven days and I still miss you so fucking much," You whisper to nothing as you sit there, the sun shining through the leaves of the trees as if making a little spotlight around you. As if she's there with you right now. But you know she's not. That's not how this works. She's gone. "I got my first 28 days sobriety badge last week," you say after a moment, bringing your knees back down to make yourself a bit more comfortable. "You know like we always talked about." a small smile graces your lips and your fingers begin twitching as you're in desperate need of a cigarette. "You were so excited for me to finally work on that part of me, even though you didn't." your smile turns to an immediate frown and you run your fingers through your hair before grabbing your bag and pulling out your packet of cigarettes and your stupid cellphone. You eye it as you press a button, rolling your eyes when you see a text from the friend you bumped into earlier. The antenna looks like it's going to break even though it's only a few months old, you should really look after your stuff more often. Seeing the SMS from your friend takes your mind back to only less than an hour ago. "You know when I drove here, I drove past that hotel." your hands shake slightly as you pull a cig from the carton. "The hotel where your body was found," you then squint your face at the ridiculous thing you said. Of course, she would know what hotel you're talking about. If she could hear you anyway. You take a drag of the cigarette after lighting it up, the smoke filling your lungs as if it's drowning you, "And I just cried." you say as you're blowing the smoke back out. It burning your throat. Not only that, it feels like there's a rock stuck in your throat and it's hurting to even breathe. Maybe it's the fault of the cigarette. Maybe not. "The first time I cried since the day I found out."

Moments pass as you picture Sally in your mind. Her beautiful frizzy hair that she would crimp every so often, bouncing around as she dances to the music you enjoy listening to. "You'll always be that blonde girl, who always made me doubt. You're so much older than me and you're everything that I'm insecure about." Sally was, is the most beautiful woman you've ever laid your eyes on. Back when you were together you always doubted she could love you, especially since you were a lot younger, you always thought she'd end up leaving you for someone more mature. But no. She loved you. You know that. Sometimes it's just hard to believe it, considering what happened.