Inflamed (Harry Potter & The Hobbit/LOTR Crossover) (LegolasxOC)

23- The Master of Laketown

I ended up sitting on the edge of the dock beneath their house, a few yards away from the bathroom. Tears streaked my cheeks while I wrapped my arms around my knees. It felt good to cry, seeing that I had been repressing it for so long. I heard the door open and close, but at this point, I didn't care anymore. I was tired, and cold, and wet, and frustrated, and angry, and embarassed, and so many other emotions.

I tensed as I heard the door open again. "Da?" Bain called. Bard, who was standing on the porch, was silent for a minute. Before taking off, he told his son, "Don't let them leave." Then he raced off to town. I wondered if he was looking for me, but I waved it off. He was probably doing something else. The door opened again and closed, only to be opened again.

"Paige? Paige!" A voice hissed. Fíli. I didn't reply. All I want is five minutes to myself without Dwarves, Hobbits, Elves, or anyone else bothering me! Why is that so impossible?! The door shut and I wondered if I was alone. I heard footsteps on the porch and creaking when someone walked down the stairs. Fíli hadn't gone in yet. He swore a little too loudly, making me smile briefly.

The footsteps traveled down the staircase. I didn't say anything or acknowledge him, but I knew that Fíli had spotted me. He quietly sat down next to me, crossing his legs. I felt his gaze on me, seeing my tears. I didn't try to hide them as more fell. "I'm sorry." he started, but I cut him off. "You don't have anything to be sorry about. You aren't at fault, none of you. I'm just tired alright? And I don't mean just sleep deprived. I mean mentally. I'm tired of being afraid, of always running away.

"I'm tired of trying to do the right thing and being put down for it. I'm tired of being hated and judged for what I am instead of who I am. I'm tired of my friends almost dying, of the posibility that any of them could die at any moment of any day. And we haven't even begun the real quest yet!

"I'm tired of worrying about everyone and everything! I'm tired of being embarassed when you lot don't fully appreciate, if at all,  what you've been given! I'm tired of always wondering 'what would mum do?' and trying to be like her! I'm tired of trying to please everyone! I'm tired of trying to show I'm valuable, that I'm perfect when I'm far from it! I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO BE SOMEONE I'M NOT!"

I started to cry again, much to my embarassment. Fíli, though, didn't seem to care and was soothingly rubbing my back. I let my head droop, my clenched fists falling into my lap. "I-I've tried to be strong, but I can't hold the weight on my shoulders any longer. I'm too weak. I'm so, so tired." I wasn't sure how long I cried for, but I felt better when I was done. At some point, I had leaned against the Dwarf, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I just went on a complete ramage of whining and complaining right there." I whispered. I felt the vibrations of his laugh through my back. "No harm done, you needed to get that off your chest." he consoled. I sighed, snuggling against Fíli's side, shivering. I hadn't even realized how cold I was.

Fíli stood up, giving me a hand. I shivered again, causing him to shoot me a concerned look. "I'm fine." He gently pushed me towards the stairs. "We need to get you warmed up." When we entered the house, all was quiet. Bard's three kids, the Dwarves, and Bilbo were all watching me. Eyes shyly casted downwards, I grabbed my blanket and dropped down in front of the fire.

The air was tense and I rolled my eyes. It was obvious that they'd all listened in on the conversation, so I didn't understand why they were trying to act like they hadn't. I blew on my freezing cold hands, trying to warm them up. I murmured the Hot Air Charm. I bit back a sigh of relief as I was instantly greeted by warmth.

Kíli hobbled over to me, looking like he was fighting a cry of pain. He glanced over at me and opened his mouth several times, then closing it when he didn't say anything. I found myself thinking of the day we met, a few months ago. He had done the same thing then, too. I broke the silence, nudging my friend. "How's your leg?"