TURN BACK THE TIME, BABE. BOOK 4. SUNNY SKIES BREAK THROUGH BEHIND THE CLOUDS

I KNOW WE GOT WHAT IT TAKES

Being lonely was a double edge sword. I couldn't wait to be alone. But whenever there was too much quietness the wrong voices told me wrong things. I spent five days in a hospital room with the uncomfortable presence of these bunch of professionals with no humanity in anything they told me. I know I was despicable, I had been so irresponsible and selfish submitting my own daughter to such a gruesome test. Because taking drugs whenever I felt like it to having a great time, throwing up when I retched on mornings and when I forced it too, trying to kill her when I was so desperate. All those things weren't something to feel proud about. And those nurses and doctors knew those things and didn't even act like professionals to try pretend their disgust to me.

Being in the hospital was distressful and I would escaped if I had enough strenghts, but I was too weak. After the hysterectomy I felt like an old woman. I wandered around the corridors with my IV stand and I got tired so easily and must return bed. Once they advised me after getting out the hospital I must go into a serious rehab. I laughed at their faces and asked them to get out and not tell again such nonsenses. Did they tell me I was a drug addict? The sheepie herd that always are doing the right thing, they submit to the current rules and think they are better than everyone else in every way, they could be very good and civilized but they don't understand a fucking shit about how the world works.

Me drug addict? My first contact with drugs was with 14 years old. An innocent joint my drama teacher handed to me. I had only time to two clumsy drags before he pulled down my panties and deflowered me against a three legged table. Then it happened a little bit of everything and nothing really could turn me into an addict. Inside the world in which I started to move to survive and thrive, drugs were an essential part, almost a natural thing. I didn't say No to anything but it didn't mean I was once a drug addict. Therefore, I only put up their lecture-advise some minutes and told them they could please walk around.

Sure, they were judging me because I had cocaine in my blood and I've just had a miscarriage and lost my daughter because my irrational and mindless attitude. Well, I wasn't the best example in society, but I wouldn't tolerate they called me drug addict.

The first few days after getting out the hospital I chose Paul Prenter's company. I gladly accepted his invitation to stay his place. I never imagined when I started this adventure and my first goal was winning his trust, he would be so useful and helpful. I always thought he was helpful to Freddie not only because it was his job but also he was secretly in love with him. The influence he was gaining in Queen entourage was useful for him. Not only to becoming unreplaceable for the singer but also to aspire in the future to get his desired dick.

It could apply the adjective helpful in his attitude to me. Even from the start. Our "love" was at first sight and we were kindred spirits getting on so well. Like the butter with jam.

The best part was within a couple of days of living with Paul after going out the hospital. He asked me permission to tell Freddie I was staying with him. They were three beautiful things: Paul adopting me being once more my adoptive brother, Freddie was dying of worry for me and Prenter asked me permission to reveal my whereabouts. I was in cloud nine. Never before anyone in all my life had made me feel so honored and required.

- Yes, you can. But I choose when he's coming here.

I made Paul to bring me over my sew machine and spent days sketching and creating a dream-like dress to celebrate Freddie was worried about me. I didn't dare to imagine he would love me as I wanted him to love me, as I needed to.

From the fateful 13th may I didn't take my phone again. Unless I'd been forced to take it, returning the twenty first century or sending some message to my "beloved" Black, the phone was the persistent remembrance that we were aliens in a time we didn't belong to.