I can't choose {Tom Parker/Nathan Sykes Fanfiction}

Chapter 33: Falling out of love

A/N: ok i'm sort of the criminal of 2013 ofc bc i didn't update. u guys were nagging me pls update and commenting and i couldn't keep up. it is 23:00pm and i'm fucking tired so i thought i'd do it now. so yeah hope u enjoy this ones quite cute for nadom which is nath maddie n thomas, all best xxxx

"You really are a good lucking boy" My mum says again, I've lost count on the amount of times she has said this to Nathan, it's like she's over compensating on the niceness because of how awful I've acted.

"Not good enough for your Maddie" Nathan winks at me, sending my mum into uncontrollable laughter, I can't work out whether my mum genuinely likes him, or if she just feels sorry for him.

"Oh don't be silly, isn't he a good looking boy Thomas" My mum urges Tom to make conversation with Nathan. But asking Tom that is just plain cruel. I can't take anymore.

"I'm just -" I try and think of an exscuse for leaving the room but I don't trust my own words and I walk out before finishing my sentence, I feel like the walls are closing in, my lies are suffocating me. I need to breathe. Tom looks at me in concern but I avoid his gaze and continue into the kitchen. I lean against the kitchen sink and try not to choke on my own breath, the slight breeze coming from the window isn't enough, my lungs still feel tight and my head feels like it's going to explode. I walk out the kitchen door and sink down the wall, the snow melts as I sit down in it but it doesn't register in my head. It's freezing but atleast it's not stuffy, I can finally breathe. I put my head inbetween my knees like you see on TV when people are feeling faint, and take deep breaths to steady myself.

"Maddie, what the fuck are you playing at?" Tom grips my arm trying to pull me up but I dig my feet in the snow and refuse to comply. I put my head inbetween my legs again as the sickness in my stoumach threatens to make itself known.

"You're going to end up telling him what happened, get yourself together" Tom tells me harshly. I can't though, and even though Nathan will know something is up with me, I still can't bring myself to act normally.

"That's the problem Tom, I can't live with what I've done" I say carefully, still trying to master my breathing and the sickness I feel in my heart.

"What we've done" he emphasises "and you're going to have too, I'm not loosing Caoimhe over this, and you can't loose Nathan, it was a mistake, it won't happen again" Tom spits, the crunch of the snow signals that he's leaving and I'm alone again. Maybe he's right, why should we hurt the ones we love most when it was a one night thing, it won't happen again, it can't happen again. His words cut me like a knife, like I was his dirty little secret, but maybe it's what I needed to hear.

"Babe, no offence, but what are you doing?" Nathan laughs as I lift my head up, his voice making me jump. I don't look at him, I don't reply to him, I have to stop this nausea.

"Sitting in the snow" I say stupidly, stating the obvious.

"Aren't you happy that I'm here?" Nathan asks wearily "I only came because you were so upset, and now my families upset because I stormed out, and you're upset because I'm ruining your time with Tom" Nathan sighs in frustration, he drove all this way, in these conditions to see me and this is how I repay him. I want to rewind last night, and then this would have been the best christmas ever.

"I don't want Tom" I say a little too bitterly. Great, not he'll want to know what's up.

"You don't want me either?" Nathan sits down next to me, regardless of the snow.

"Nathan, I..." I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I do want him, I need him, but everytime I look at him I just see Tom, and what we did, and how much I regret it.