What Happens on the Cruise

28. Have Yourself

As Adam was returning from the bathroom, Tim stepped out of his room, frowning.

"Hey," Adam greeted him quietly.

"Morning," Tim replied.

Adam took his arm. "I heard Austin crying last night. Is everything okay?"

He could feel Tim tense. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong."

"Would you like me to talk to him? Would that bother you?"

"No, that wouldn't bother me. Maybe he'll talk to you."

"Is he awake?"

Tim nodded.

Adam patted his arm. "It'll be okay."

He could feel some of Tim's tension ease. "Thanks, Adam."

Adam knocked at Austin's bedroom door and then opened it a crack. "Hey, it's Adam. Can I come in?"

"Sure," Austin answered.

The tenor was sitting up in bed, his eyes puffy, his hair completely disheveled. Adam shut the door, crossed to Austin's bed, and sat down on the side of it. The two sat in silence for a moment. Adam reached over and took Austin's hand and looked into his face. "I woke up to the sound of you crying last night. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Austin looked away, obviously struggling with indecision.

Adam squeezed his hand. "If you can't, that's okay. I'm just worried about you. And so is Chris, by the way."

Austin nodded. "It's hard to explain."

"That's okay," Adam reassured him. "Sometimes it helps to try to explain, to sort it out in your own mind."

Austin nodded. "I just love him so much, man. I can't even put into words how much he means to me."

Adam nodded.

"But I think we may have rushed into this too soon."

"Why do you think that?"

Austin bit his lip. "I'm just not... I don't think he loves me like I love him."

"Okay," Adam said, then let the silence hang for a moment.

Austin sighed. "I want to hear him say he loves me, but it doesn't count if I ask him to say it."

"And he hasn't said it." It wasn't a question.

Austin shook his head. "Not even when I tell him I love him."

"And you can't tell him what's wrong without pressuring him."

"Yeah." Austin sighed. "I don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure I even actually have him."

Adam nodded sympathetically.

"I just... I want it to be more than about the sex, but I'm not sure it is."

"I'm not sure I can help," Adam said.

"No. I think we're going to have to work it out ourselves," Austin replied. "But I do appreciate being able to talk it out."

Adam patted his hand. "Anytime."

***

"Well?" Tim asked, standing from the table where he'd been drinking coffee.

Adam came over and sat down. "It's not something I can tell you. And there are valid reasons why Austin can't tell you."

"But it's me, right? I've done something?"