What Happens on the Cruise

33. Honey I'm Good

Austin and Tim lay curled together, letting their pulse and breathing return to normal, the sweat drying on their skin. Austin dropped a kiss on Tim's cheek. "I l--"

Tim put his hand over Austin's mouth. "Nope. I get to say it first. I love you."

Austin smiled as Tim pulled his hand away. "I love you, too." He shifted uncomfortably. "I gotta go pee. Be right back."

He pulled on the sweats and tee he was wearing for pajamas and treaded to the bathroom.

As he was going back to the guest room, he glanced into the nursery. Moonlight was streaming in through the windows and limning the scene outside in silver. He startled as a shadow in the room moved. "Fuck! You almost scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry," Adam's voice sounded strained.

Austin stepped into the nursery, peering at his bandmate. "What are you doing in here?"

Adam shrugged.

As he got closer, Austin could see Adam had been crying. He settled on the floor next to the beatboxer and sat in silence. From this angle, they could see the crib in the pool of moonlight from a window.

Adam wiped his eyes, but remained silent.

"It's a nice crib," Austin said.

Adam nodded.

They fell silent again. Austin put his arm around Adam's shoulder.

After a moment, Adam leaned against him and sighed. "We've had this baby furniture since Ericha's first pregnancy."

"Yeah?"

"She got pregnant really early in our marriage. Like, there were a couple nosy biddies at church counting the weeks since the wedding."

Austin chuckled and shook his head. "There's always a few in every church."

"Yeah. The thing was, Ericha was thrilled. She's always wanted a big family."

"Uhuh."

"But I..." Adam took a deep breath. "I was pretty conflicted. I just wanted some time to be a couple before we were parents."

"I see."

"I can remember waking up in the middle of the night one night and... wishing we could have more time."

"Oh." Austin felt his heart clench in his chest.

"When she miscarried two days later... and then again... and again..." Adam drew in a shaky breath. "I've spent three years wanting to take that wish back."

"Oh, Adam, you didn't make her miscarry," Austin spoke earnestly.

"My... My head knows that," Adam said. "But my heart..."

"Yeah."

They fell silent again. Adam wiped his eyes. "When I came home and saw they'd gotten all this stuff out, I just couldn't even look at it. I had no idea how I was going to get it all put together."

Austin shook him affectionately. "You know we're always there for you man."

"You didn't even know, and you still came through for me."

"The Lord brings you the people you need and that need you. Tim and I definitely needed you these past couple months."

"I didn't do anything."

"Dude, you so did."

"Hey," Tim's voice interrupted them.

"Hey, babe. Sorry. Adam and I got to talking."