teddy bear

rhino

Wednesday March 18, 2015
6:12 AM

My Lovely Liv,

I apologize for yesterday's letter. it was quite depressing and I'm not really sure why. I assure you I am not as sad as that letter made me seem. it was just a bad day, I suppose. I was actually a lot happier after I wrote your letter.
I see your smile grow every day, and I feel mine grow with it. it is impossible to be sad when I see your smile and think that maybe I have caused it. it is the best feeling in the world to make the one you love smile.
I want you to know that I love you. not only in the way that you need to know that you are loved, but in the way that you need to know that it's me that loves you. it's more for my benefit than for yours.
You know that I love you, but not that I love you, if that makes any sense. you know that I love you, but you don't have a name or a face to go with me.
I think I want to give you that.
I wish you could love me back. maybe you would, if you had the chance. but you don't have the chance if you don't know who I am.
But I am not yet ready for you to know who I am. I'm scared of your judgement, I'm scared you won't return my love.
But even if you don't return my love, I will still love you. I will still be here, writing you letters and giving you stuffed animals as long as it makes you smile.
that's what I will do for the girl I love.

-

It's a lie. All of it. And I hate myself even more for it. But I can't have her thinking that I'm sad. I won't allow her to worry about me, because I will be ok. I can fix myself. I don't need someone to be worried about me now, I don't want anyone to be worried about me now.
Why would I want someone to worry now when no one was there when I needed someone? I fixed myself the first time, I don't need anyone's help.
Olivia walked out if her house with worry on her face, worry for me I assume. Her worry was wiped away and replaced with a smile as she read my letter.
This is what I want.
I want to see that smile, I want her to be happy.
But she is feeding off my happiness. We aren't sharing it, she is pulling it from my spirit and keeping it for herself. And I helped her.
But I have no regrets, because her smile lights up the world, while mine can't even light up myself.

um idrk what this is but I do have a plan I swear I just don't know if the plan needs to be put into action sooner or later but i think my story is getting boring so maybe sooner go go power rangers
peace xx