teddy bear

alpaca

Sunday March 22, 2015
6:57 AM

Dear Letter Sender,

I can't stand not knowing who you are. I can't stand loving someone that I might never meet. I need to see you, hold you, kiss you.
I don't care if you're a frickin rat that learned how to write. (though I hope you're not) I haven't fallen in love with how you look or how you feel. I have fallen in love with your words and the way you shape your sentences. I have fallen in love with your handwriting.
I'm in love with the way you dot your 'I's, with a bubble instead of a dot. How you have your own font that is difficult to understand but I would spend hours deciphering it. I'm in love with how you write in pen and scribble over the words when you make mistakes.
I don't know much about you, but I'm in love with what I do know. And all I want to do is fall deeper in love with you, to not only love you but to be in love with you.
An if you choose not to tell me who you are, it won't change anything. I'll still love you, still be in love with you, still want to be in love with you for the rest of my life.
All I can say is please.

Love Olivia

-

I went to Olivia's house earlier that morning so I could read the letter that I hoped I would find as soon as possible.
When I saw the envelope lying on the ground by the tree I bent down and grabbed it, ripping the envelope open as soon as I had it in my hands.
I sat down next to the tree as I read the heart wrenching letter.
My tears started to flow once I began the second paragraph.
She loves me.
And I was ecstatic, but... she couldn't love me. I don't want to hurt her, like I hurt everyone else. She deserves someone better, someone that's not as broken as I am.
She was broken, and breaking every day. And she was beautiful through it all.
I am broken, but am unfixable.
The void inside of me is creating a deep ravine that is growing every day. And eventually, I will fall in.
I will far so deep that when I cry out no one will hear me, and when hands reach down to try to pull me up I won't even be able to see them.

~

Sunday March 22, 2015
8:37 AM

My Lovely Liv,

Reading your letter was like laying on a cloud and looking down at a field of meadows. I feel as if I know how a fawn feels taking it's first steps.
I felt alive for the first time in a while.
I also realized that I won't be able to hide my sadness from you anymore.
I did think that my sadness began once I started writing you letters, that I became sad when I saw the sadness in the world. But that's not true. It started way before that, I just didn't realize. I'm not sure if it's better this way, but this is how it is. It's more than worth it though, because I managed to help you.
And as happy as I am that you told me you love me, you can't.
That doesn't mean I don't love you. I always will.
I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to drag you back into the pit you just escaped from. I won't allow you to let me pull you back under the dark blanket of despair.
My love for you will never fade.
Please don't doubt that.

-

I watched her read the letter. Her look of anticipation changed to a look of worry and sadness.
And it was my fault.
I had to do something to clear the look of sadness from her face.
I couldn't tell her my name. I couldn't allow her to have any other reason to love me.
'what if she doesn't love you.'
A voice inside my head told me.
of course she doesn't love you. how could you be so dumb and gullible? 'obviously she would tell you she loves you, to make sure you're not sad.
she only pities you.'
And I believed everything those voices told me. I destroyed myself.

oh nO baby don't do that poor kid
next chapter you shall find out what boy this is about be excited
this is sad but wOw olivia you're a cutie and am I allowed to be jealous of someone in my own fanfic??