abandoned | pjm

thirty six.

your pov

Dead leaves laid on the ground, the trees naked from its mane as the sky was deprived of its blue color.

The park sat empty, the temperature too ugly for children to play in. My boots stepped one foot in front of the other on the cold ground, stopping at its destination.

I planted myself on the park bench, peering out at the open field. My hands come up to pull my jacket closer to my body to create more warmth in the chilly weather.

    Sounds of leaves crinkling in the grass made my head turn as the figure walked closer to me, my head turned as I felt the figure place himself onto the bench, too.

    I blew out a breath, the heat of my mouth releasing a visible cloud of air.

    "Thanks for meeting me," I said.

    "Of course," he responded. Namjoon sat on the other side of the bench, his hands placed inside of his pockets as he gave me a small smile before looking back in front.

    I looked down at my lap, unknowing to what I should ask, or even say first. The decision was made for me, the quiet moment interrupted as he spoke.

    "How are you?"

    An overloaded question. Something I couldn't even answer to as I looked from my lap to the sky above me. Maybe it was to keep the tears from falling once again, but I didn't even know how to begin answering his question.

    "I wish I was better," I said simply. "How is he?"

    "It's only been a few days, but he's forced himself into a lot of hours at the hospital. I haven't seen him much since that night and I'm afraid he's bringing himself to his death."

    I nodded.

    "I'm not saying it to force you to come back — of course you can, but you have to take care of yourself, too. You can't take care of another person or bring them into your life if you can't help yourself," he said without sugarcoating it. "It's not just you, Jimin too. He's put so much effort into taking care of others that he's forgotten to take care of himself. I mean, he's a doctor anyway, right? But that's not how things should be."

    "You shouldn't kill yourself to be with someone else," he said.

    I looked down at my fingers, fidgeting as he spoke. "I've known you for barely a week, but I've heard about you for months. The way he's spoken about you... he adores you."

    "It's hard for him to be in touch with his feelings and how he truly feels. He holds his anger inside of his eyes, never letting it surface to his expression unless it was something that really bothered him."

    "Then why did he lie to me? Since the beginning? Why did he think it was okay to act like what happened didn't happen?"

    Namjoon shook his head as I stared at him. "It wasn't, Y/N. He talked to me about it that night. The lie he told, it had brought more weight on his shoulders rather than take it off. Jimin knew it wasn't the right thing the second he said it — but he knew he had to endure it because it was his choice to."

    "That night, I told him that whoever he was lying to, he should tell them the truth — to not sugarcoat it because that's what the person deserves. Maybe I should've pushed him to the truth more, but I'm sure he had his reasons."

    "The rest isn't my place to say. That is something you both have to figure out when you decide to. When you're ready."

    At this point, a tear rolled across my cheek as I stared ahead of me, watching another dead leaf fall as I listened to his voice. His soft, therapeutic voice was something I needed to hear, it was as if it was the light in the dark.

    "And as for what he said about you," Namjoon paused. "Eventually you'll have to decide if you want him to be the one person you want in your life, or not at all — because going back and forth and having him always be the second person, it hurts."

    "You don't have to decide now, or soon — but you'll have to figure out eventually, whether you want to put all your effort into this, or you leave." It almost sounded like a threat, but Namjoon had laid it straight onto me. In a way, it woke me up too.

    "I know," I said. All things come and go, whether they're good or bad, but Jimin has been around me since the day of my accident.

"He's my friend. I can't let him let himself get hurt like this. You have to decide, not now — but you have to realize what you want. Put yourself in his shoes, Y/N."

If I were him... I wouldn't even have the balls to stand up to Daeshim. But he did eventually.

"Thanks for giving me a call," he sighed. The bench moved, the figure now standing from it before we met eyes. Namjoon looked down at me, a comforting smile on his lips. "It's okay to be scared, but you can't mistake it for wanting to push someone away."

teehee
also i'm not officially back with this story. i'm not 100% where this is going but i'm going to finish it off strongly.

[UNEDITED]