abandoned | pjm

thirty nine.

your pov

"All my life, I had always been lied to. It was something that always surrounded me, even when I didn't know what people told me were lies. Maybe I'm just gullible. Vulnerable. I don't know, I always end up getting stuck in traps of lies that end up hurting me."

After Jimin's accident, we sat quietly on his couch for a moment as I stared at the plain wall—words that I felt afraid of saying before just spilling out of my lips.

    "Daeshim lied to me. My parents didn't even bother to text me when I was in the hospital, and you lied to me," I said. "I'm tired, Jimin. I can't trust anyone, and I can't even go on another day without feeling empty and alone. I'm constantly afraid someone will hurt me, and I'm constantly overthinking things people say and do in thoughts that they're lying to me."

    I hadn't realized how bad everything had gotten. The things I once contained inside of my head are just attacking at my mental state now—not allowing me to hold in my thoughts or words that I worked so hard to maintain. Maybe it was better that I didn't hold them back.

    I awkwardly adjusted my sitting position as Jimin sat up to take a sip of his water.

"I wasn't in the right to have lied to you in the first place," he said, letting out a sigh as he placed his glass of water on the coffee table. "I should have just told you straight up in the first place instead of dragging it out and cause all of these feelings that make it harder."

"I have so many regrets, Y/N. Those that I wish I had been more honest with you—where I'd let you choose what you wanted to do early on before it had been too late. I wish I hadn't hurt you and made you feel like the truth isn't palpable anymore. I'm not even looking for sympathy or forgiveness, but I can't help but look back and wish that I had done things differently."

In a way, I understood him. He couldn't tell me because I was so strung up on someone who I thought had loved me entirely. "I know you were trying to protect me, Jimin. I know, but my mind can't help but just feel torn right now—that even though I know your motive was good, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that anyone is being at all truthful to me."

"It's like my head is just stuck in a world filled with lies."

He stared at me with a look of sympathy. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips tugging downwards as he stared intently.

"What's holding you back, Y/N?" Jimin asked.

"Holding me back?"

"What's holding you back from just, up and leaving?"

"Up and leaving?" I murmured. My eyes shifted away from his as I turned my head to look at the TV screen before turning back towards him. "Why would I leave?"

"Because to me," he paused. "What you're saying is that nobody, no matter what they say or do, will be able to change your mind. The truth isn't going to be able to seep into your head, so you would have to seek it yourself, right?"

He frowned, his anger-filled eyes that were once there dissipating as he continued. "Who can change your mind, if it isn't you? So why not just abandon everything and find yourself, Y/N?"

"But I have a life here—people here. I mean, there's you, Namjoon, Jungkook, Taehyung, Hobi...," I trailed off. "I can't just leave, Jimin."

I stared down at my hands, the nervous and anxiousness causing them to fidget. "I don't want to let you go."

"You're not letting me go, Y/N. You're not abandoning any of us. You would be taking the time to take care of yourself and give yourself what you need before you love anyone else."

"Because as much as I love you, I can't put you through something that ends up killing you on the inside."

Oh, love. How fucking complicated you are.

Jimin's hands came up, cupping my cheeks into the palm of his hands—his thumb coming up to wipe a stray tear from my eyes.

"I don't want to go," I whispered.

"You don't have to," he said. "I will be the one that's going."

"What?"

"I got a job over in New York," Jimin said hesitantly. "Next week is my last week working at the hospital here, actually," his voice grew quieter with each word he spoke.

"And you weren't going to tell me? Another fucking lie, Jimin."

I pulled away from his hands as I felt myself instinctively scoot further away from him. "You're going to tell me all of this bullshit about me having to go away to find myself and instead you're the one that's leaving?" I sniffled, appalled by his timing.

"Were you just telling me shit to soften the blow?"

"No, Y/N. I meant it when I said it. You need time from who and what hurt you—and you can't fix it from being around the people who pushed it upon you. Me being here will just hurt you, Y/N."

"When are you leaving?"

"A week after my last day, so in two weeks."

"So that's it, Jimin?" I stood up off of the couch, feeling my legs shake and light-headed as I crossed my arms. "You're just going?"

The worst part was that I just couldn't help but feel sad over anger. That I couldn't help but just feel helpless over Jimin leaving. It was too abrupt. Too sudden.

"You can't just do this, Jimin. It's all too fast, and all I've been doing is be mad at you—what if we never meet again? What then?"

"Do you believe in fate, Y/N?"

The answer to this question was one of apocryphal. Was fate something I believed in? That him meeting me on the streets on the day of my accident was fated? That I had grown this relationship with this doctor, fated?

Was the accident fated? Would we have met further down our lives even if I hadn't have gotten into a car crash that nearly took my life?

"I believe," he stared, looking up at me with his hands clasped together. "I believe that fate will bring us back, Y/N."

"Fate will prevail," Jimin said. "We will meet again."

not the end! this is part of the plot,
but also good because in my opinion,
both jimin and y/n are just unfit to
take care of each other right now.

[UNEDITED]