The Symphony of Shadow

10: 'An Adventure Most Unexpected'

Possible triggers in bold: Reference to SA.

A Z R I E L

They'd been so close. So close to one another.

He'd felt her breath on his lips; she'd undoubtfully felt his on hers.

He'd near rested his forehead upon hers; he'd near closed that gap between them.

But he hadn't, because it was Gwyn. It had been Gwyn whom he'd near kissed. And fuck, it had taken all his self-restraint to stop himself, to pull away.

Because kissing Gwyn... it would lead to a whole trove of repercussions which Azriel did not need on his plate. He and Gwyn... it wasn't that sort of relationship, and initiating something like that would've only damaged the friendship between them which Azriel had come to cherish; and would've undoubtfully caused her discomfort once she'd had time to completely process.

Emotions had been high. He'd drunk a little whiskey - of course they'd become wrapped up in the moment.

He'd been upset. She'd comforted him. She'd held him. She'd ran her fingers through his hair. She'd let him cry. She'd made him laugh afterwards.

Of course he'd been drawn to her. He'd been more vulnerable with Gwyn in less than ten minutes, then he'd ever been to anyone, ever.

She'd made him comfortable; she'd made him feel safe with being so vulnerable with her. They'd been in the moment, Azriel told himself, over and over. They hadn't been thinking.

He thought back to the moment after he'd pulled away - which had been a week ago now.

"Sorry." He'd muttered, not even looking her in the eye - a pathetic act, he'd known.

"It's okay to be vulnerable Azriel." She'd half-whispered, a hint of disappointment in her voice, he'd noticed. "It's good for you. And now you're not so alone within your past, you'll feel safe enough to expose yourself... it's a step closer to becoming truly free."

Azriel had looked at her properly then, eyebrows furrowed a little.

"I think you'll be free one day, Azriel. Not just physically, as you are now - as we both are now. But free from your own monsters. You just have to take that step... like you are now. And then, and only then, will your soul be free."

After a moment of silence, as Azriel took in her words - partially annoyed at how right she was, and partially relieved at yet another moment of understanding between them - he responded.

"Your soul will be free one day too, Gwyn. I'll make sure of it."

He'd flew her home then, said goodnight, and slept - badly.

Since that night, since the near kiss, their friendship hadn't been the exact same. They still trained privately each morning in the forest on the outskirts of Velaris, the still chuckled with one another occasionally. But something felt... off - not the same.

It felt as though Gwyn had taken a step back, closed off a little. She wouldn't tell him any of her random, weird thoughts which he loved; wouldn't discuss the emotions she felt with him; no flirting; she hadn't hugged him in a week, either - and fuck, Azriel wanted her to hug him. He may be a five hundred year old, brooding Illyrian warrior, but it would be a huge fucking lie to say he wasn't craving hug from his favourite Valkyrie.

Azriel was fine with that though: if Gwyn needed space she could have it, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. But he missed her being so open with him, he missed his friend. He missed his Gwyn. The Gwyn who made him feel as though he wasn't so alone.