The Symphony of Shadow

14: 'Her Majesty Queen of Hell'

A Z R I E L

"I want you, Azriel. I want you to fuck me."

The words rang and echoed around him – Elain's words.

Azriel blinked once, trying to process what had just been said. In all honesty, he hadn't been expecting this – though, he probably should have, considering he'd been beckoned to the bedroom of the girl whom he'd shared a near kiss with last Solstice.

Nevertheless, the proposition hadn't been what he'd expected, hadn't been what he'd hoped. Of course, a part of him did want to fuck Elain – but another part of him wanted more than that. He'd come up here with the hopes that she would tell him how they should be together, how they could learn to love one another, how they could make the other less lonely.

But no, Elain wanted him body, and his body only.

It wasn't as though he was offended, or repulsed by the offer – but the part of him that wanted that little bit more couldn't help but feel disappointed.

He let out a breath, the weight of his heart a little heavier. Of course she wouldn't want him like that, no one ever did.

But maybe, he thought, just maybe... If he accepted this offer, perhaps they could grow to love one another. Close proximity and all.

"I..." He began, searching for the words, yet none came.

He had become trapped inside a strange purgatory of sorts in a matter of seconds, unsure as to whether to choose his soul or his heart. Because that was what Elain did to him – she split him into two.

Why couldn't this be easy? Why did this vexing confusion have to hit him just as the one thing he'd craved for months – years – was presenting itself to him? Why couldn't he say yes without some sort of internal confliction?

He couldn't face making his decision, not when he didn't have an answer. Now, all he desired in this world was to find the priestess whom he craved so badly – find her and steal her away so it would just be the two off them wrapped in the other's arms. He could talk to her about this, and somehow, she would understand – she always did. She always made it feel easy to open up to her without fear of any repercussions.

But he couldn't do that – not anymore. Instead he was faced with a decision he didn't want to make.

"Can I... Can I have some time? To think it over." He asked, hesitantly, never once meeting her gaze.

The room was quiet, and now the tension – the sense of awkwardness – which waved through the air between them was almost palpable.

And Elain... she was surprised, the expression on her face saying it all – clearly she had been expected him to oblige at once. She blinked in astonishment, but simply nodded.

"Yes." She said, her voice mangled and unassertive.

"Yes, of course." She said again, though this time her words were a little submissive – as though she was happy to do so, even if she clearly wasn't. "I know there are complications... with court policies." She continued, and a little surprise came over Azriel to hear Elain had thought his hesitation to have sex with her was a result of relations with Lucien, rather than his own feelings.

Azriel nodded. "Right. Well... I guess..." He said, once again being unable to string a sentence together with her. In fact, now that he thought about it, he'd never been able to talk freely with the likes of Elain.

He'd never realised before – considering that was how many of his interactions proceeded – until now, when he finally felt the awkwardness he'd been previously oblivious to between him and Elain, which heavily differed from the easy flow between himself and Gwyn.