The Symphony of Shadow

12: 'A Golden Ray of Sun'

A Z R I E L

- B E F O R E -

Kissing Gwyn had been like wildfire. Like he'd been trapped in heaven for once in his miserable life.

Rushed, yet unhurried.

Euphoric and never ending.

Her lips had tasted as though they'd been dipped in the waters of a temple – sweet, yet not sweet. Addictive.

Kissing Gwyn had felt like he'd found his life's purpose. He could drown in her, her touch, her body, her taste, her mind, her soul. He couldn't help but hold her like she was his, grip his skin to hers like he would overwise die.

And though it didn't go far – he'd barely even slipped his tongue anywhere other than her lips – it breached any level of pleasure he'd experienced of yet. Not physical pleasure - but pleasure to bless his soul.

-

My Gwyn, my beautiful Gwyn

-

Azriel shut the door to the room Gwyn stayed in, heard it click. And that was it – she was gone. Or maybe she wasn't, maybe there was hope she'd come around, come back to him.

Gods, he really did sound as though he'd lost a romantic partner, a love.

Maybe he had lost a love, he wasn't really sure. He wasn't sure about anything when it came to Gwyn, not anymore.

He'd thought they'd been friends – close friends. But when they'd kissed, even he had to admit... that wasn't friendship. It was something else entirely, something he'd never felt before.

But what he wanted from Gwyn wasn't that. He just wanted her, her beautiful soul. The light in his darkness.

And now she couldn't face him.

Because she wanted him, and he didn't want her to want him. Not like that. Not when he still wanted Elain, whom he'd told Gwyn was his mate. Well, he hadn't actually said the middle Archeron's name, but that was who he'd thought of when he'd said he was meant for his mate – even if she wasn't his mate.

He'd probably lost all hope he and Elain were mates the second Lucien had conveniently announced the bond all that time ago. He remembered that moment – the moment his hope had been shattered – profusely.

He'd known Feyre and Rhys had been meant for one another from the moment he'd met her.

Then he'd known Nesta and Cassian had been meant for one another from the moment his brother had stopped breathing at the first sight of her, still in human form.

He'd been okay until that moment watching his brother, until the moment he knew he was going to be solitary... not entirely alone, yet still alone.

But then he'd seen Elain, and that hope had come back. Because if two brothers and two sisters were meant for one another – then surely that meant the other sister was meant for the other brother?

And there had been his hope... his mate.

Which had been shattered right before his eyes, whist he had an ash arrow in his chest of all times – not quite in the heart, but close enough.

But maybe the Cauldron made a mistake...

A dubious idea, even Azriel knew that. Though, it hadn't stopped him from wondering about the concept. It was the only thing that helped, after all. Helped him forget he was going to be alone. Because if Mor didn't want him, and he couldn't have Elain...