love runs out

4

Pov Martin

I walk out the lift and there's was a new girl, I guess, I never saw her here before. She looks hot, I can't deny that. I walk into my house where my manger is waiting on me. Not this shit again. "Martijn listen," is Watse almost begging me. "Cut it," I interrupted him. "You should talk with someone. I discussed with your parents already about a-"shut the hell up," I interrupted him once again. I don't want to talk. Why does nobody get that shit.

"Martijn do you want help?" He asks me.

" Finally you get it. I don't want help. I need to fix this shit by myself and I don't need anyone else!" I yell irritated.

"You really want push everyone away who's trying to help you since day 1?" He asks.

"I don't care, yes go. I fcking don't care." I say upset.

"Allright I'll go. Success Martijn with your shit," Watse says before walking away.

Finally, he's away, no people who's constantly nagging right in my face. Then you can fuck off for me. I walk to the kitchen and grab a new bottle with some high procent alcohol level. What is my life worth it anyways?  I open the bottle quickly and drink all of it empty in matter of few seconds. Some people will call me stupid for it or other one's irresponsible.

But who gives clearly a shit about me. It's all about what happened, but not about me.

You should move on, you are too dramatic.

You should work more, it will forgot things you don't want to think about.

Keep yourself busy.

Talk with people, but whenever I talk, after begging they're not listening to me, only to the situation and what they hear.

Im not important for everyone enough to be heard.

So then not, I'll not tell anyone about me. I'll move on in my way, I'll never never change for anyone.  Nobody can let me feel like she did.

Without realizing I feel tears rolling down and because I cry I started destroying every piece of her in my house, I don't want to look her in the eyes. Beautiful vase with flowers into it, throw it as hard as I can on the ground. She made the vase, she gave it to me. Never I'll able to give it back because she loves it way more than I did.

The vase is in hundred pieces on the ground, broken like I am. When I realize I broke the vase she loved I can hit myself. How fcking I am to broke this special vase that should be special to me as well. I want to clean up the space and probably throw the broken vase into the trash can. I know I shouldn't do that in the first place, but my anger took over. My sensitive side took over and I don't know what I'm doing then.

One of the pieces touches my skin and there's blood coming out. I sighs and walk upstairs to my bathroom to put bandage around my finger. I got a text from Menno on the same time

M: bro, she said she would not file police report against you, if you say sorry to her she will do nothing. I think it's the best for your career bro

I sighs and respond short with a simple yeah. It was stupid to think like that and do it anyways, mostly I'm very caring and kind to woman in general. But I was drunk - I know it's a bad excuse but it happened anyways. I touched inappropriately and forced her to have sex with me. I don't know what kind of person I am whenever I drink. I'm totally different then I'm in real life. I feel kind of bad for her.

I haven't raped her, I will never forgive myself for that, i hate this already. Sadly my friends knew about it, Watse discovered it and my parents still don't know anything about her.

I get up and grab a new bottle, this time vodka. Amazing to drink the pain away, bad feelings away to not feel them physically and mentally. I just completely zoom out of my emotions and I love it. I drink the bottle which empty and throw it away. I see a picture of her hanging on the wall. Before I realize what my body is doing the picture is in my hand, blood on my fingers because of the broken glass what lays down on the ground. The picture almost damaged and I look into her smile. I feel crazy madness inside of me and burst into tears while ripping this picture from her. I throw it on the ground and I start to cry even more.

I fell down on my knees and my hands on the ground, an painful sticht is going through my whole stomach. I never felt so much pain in my life before like I do now. Without her everything in life so much harder, how I'm supposed to 'move on' and work a lot more if I can't even take care of myself? "Fuck," I mutter and I get up, I feel everywhere pain in my body and it feels like I can't stand up straight.

I grab my phone and text Menno, need to fix myself but first it's time for a party. Just a cozy party with a lot of people, girls and boys. They're all welcome. He replies with a yeah cool. I started cleaning and feel like everything is going to take processing in my brain. One party before I will try to change myself in a better person.

For her.

I make myself ready for the big party tonight, maybe Ava and her bestfriend, that hot girl will come too. Need someone to fuck with tonight, like I need every day. However it will be great to have that hot girl in my bed tonight. I mean she looked gorgeous.