Word count: 1060
TW: mention of drugs, mention of self harm
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3rd person POV
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Dazai didn't sleep a minute last night. He figured that he will still have nightmares, even if he is drunk, so instead of alcohol, he made himself coffee. Every time he would start feeling sleepy, he made a mug of strong, black coffee.
He knew that it won't help with his feelings and memories but at least he didn't have nightmares.
Sadly, he found his old razor blade.
'Very funny God,' he tought to himself 'you hurt me enough on the inside. I won't give you the plesure of seeing cuts on my body.'
He walked out to the balcony and threw the blade away, so far he couldn't even see it.
The clock just hit 2:00am.
The clock ticking, the cars honking, everything felt annoying right now. Even his own voice.
His own voice, because he knew how much that voice hurt Chuuya every time the insult-war between the two went too far. The cars honking, because that always reminds him of how much Chuuya was screaming when someone was too slow. The clock ticking, that reminded him the sleepless nights they spent together, doing their report.
'Why does it have to be him... Out of other 7 billion people. Why does it have to be him. Why, why why...'
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I WAS JUST A FUCKING KID! YOU FUCKING GOD! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!"
He couldn't keep it in any longer. He broke down, right there, on the cold balcony and started sobbing. He hated this feeling with all his heart.
Odasaku always said that this feeling is natural. But why would such a painful thing be natural?
Flashback to 6 years ago
"Oh! Odasaku! You came after all." Dazai said with a happy voice.
"Yes. Sorry, I had to finish some paperwork. What were you two talking about?" he asked, as he ordered the usual whiskey.
"We were talking about what makes a human a human." Ango answered.
"It's a good question."
"Yeah." Dazai said. "What do you think about it, Odasaku?"
Odasaku had a moment of silent thinking.
"I think emotions. Specificaly the way we show it. What did you say, Ango?"
"I said our memories." Ango gave a short answer.
"Yeah, it has a little sense."
"Great," Dazai said with a mocking voice. "in this case, I must be a werewolf then. I don't have childhood memories, or know how to show emotions."
"Then, Dazai, what do you think about this?"
"I think we should drop this topic." Dazai said with a clearly upset, yet dreamy voice.
End of flashback
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Yosano's POV
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It's half past 7 in the morning. I called in everyone, except Dazai.
"I think we all know why I called you here. We need to help Dazai-kun somehow. If this goes on, he maybe go fully mute due to the emotional wounds he has."
"I agree," I hear Kunikida "but how do we do it? We can't just go up to him, get out our fairy wands, and make him happy."
"We could ask Mori-san to give us drugs, and we can put it in his coffee."
"Kyouka-chan!"
"Actually," Ranpo's voice is heard "as a temporary solution, it's just good enough, Atsushi-kun."
"I still don't like this idea."
"I'm sorry, Atsushi-kun, but this really is the only way we can stop him from hurting-"
"Who hurting who?"
"We were talking about a case I got with Ranpo-san." I say with a nearly noticable bit of fear in my voice.
"I see."
'Did he hear the whole conversation? If he did, why doesn't he care? Why did he even come here so early? Oh God, I might have messed up.'
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Dazai's POV
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I don't know what they are planning but it's obvious they were talking about me.
"What is the work for today, Kunikida-kun?"
"Well, thanks to your inteligence and how fast you have done the paperwork on Tuesday, you don't have to do anything."
"Great..."
'Now I need to make myself as much coffee as I can, so I don't fall asleap. Maybe I could read a book or the newspaper.'
"Where are you going?" I hear Ranpo ask.
"To get coffee."
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Kunikida's POV
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5 hours pass. It's lunchtime and Dazai still didn't return.
"Guys, didn't Dazai-san seem more pale than he should? And he looked even more tired than yesterday."
"Yeah, I noticed it too. Might have he been skipping meals?"
"Maybe we should ask." I said, going towards the door.
"Hm?"
"What is it, Kunikida-kun?" I hear Ranpo ask.
"Dazai-san is just... Reading? He usually does something while reading. Like screaming, that he found the perfect method." I hear Atsushi say.
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Dazai's POV
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'Do these people think I'm deaf or something?'
"Are you just going to stand there, or sit down and eat?" I ask them with a bored voice. This book is becoming boring. I have tried every method by now.
Little forward
'Why is Yosano coming this way?'
"Hello Dazai-kun! I... have noticed that you look a little pale."
"Yeah, I didn't sleep."
'Wow, why is this so shocking? There were times that I looked even paler from the lack of sleep.'
"You shouldn't just skip sleeping. How much coffee did you drink today?"
"If I counted right, this is the third mug."
"Dazai, I think-"
"I don't have work today, right? I think I'll go home now." I say, and walk out to the street.
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Akutagawa's POV
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"Here you go, Higuchi."
"Thank you, senpai."
Buzz-buzz
'Who might it be?'
Caller ID: Jinko
"Jinko? Why are you calling?"
"Yeah, I will just get straight to the point. Dazai-san haven't been eating, and he skipped sleeping last night. I wanted to ask you for a favor."
"What is it?"
"Could you ask your boss to give us drugs for depression?"
"I don't think this is the best solution."
"Me neither, but everyone else thinks it's ok for a temporary one."
"... Fine, I will ask him."
"Thank you, Akutagawa-san."
"Mhm, goodbye, Jinko."
"Goodbye."
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Sorry, this is a little lame. I slept in while writting and forgot how I would go on with it. I'll try to be better next chapter.
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YOU ARE READING
The Thing That Makes A Human
FanficTW: character death, mention of suicide/addictions, uncensored swearing I don't own BSD, I choose this title because it will make sense, not because I wanted to copy Dazai Osamu's book. It's fucking sad, I was sobbing while writting so if you don't...
