The Thing That Makes A Human

6th day after accident

Word count: 1308
TW: alcohol, mention of suicide, played atempt of homocide, mention of drugs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        Dazai's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 8:00am, but I wasn't on my way to work. I didn't want to go in. Instead, I went to the Lupin bar.

'I won't have to talk.'

Or so I tought.

As I opened the door, the familiar scent of alcohol and coffee was everywhere, with a comfortable temperature.

'How great this is! I... A living creature can't be alone anymore on this planet?!'

"Huh? Oh, hello, Dazai-kun."
"Yeah... Hello, Ango-san."

"How are you?"
"I'm feeling like shit."
"... Why?"
"Aren't you with the goverment? You should know about the incident nearly a week ago. We are great friends, Ango-san. You should know that I don't want to talk in this condition."

"..."

"But we can. I might go numb if I stopped talking."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                     Kunikida's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's been a hour since work started. Where is Dazai?"
"I don't know. Maybe planning a new atempt."
"Guys! You all are mad or something?" I hear Atsushi "Why would he want to come in? I wouldn't want to either, if I knew that my friends tried to drug me."

'Why does he have a point? Did Dazai feel like this every time he had to kill someone?'

               Forward to 12:00pm

"Dazai! You are late with four hours!"
"Ok." he said with a dreamy, sad voice.

As he sat down, I felt a kind of smell on him, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"What is this smell?! Atsushi-kun! What is this smell?"

A little wait.

"It's coming from Dazai-san." he said. "It's coffee, whiskey, and... basemant?"
"Mhm. What do I need to-"
"Dazai-san!" I said, slamming my hand on his table so I can catch his attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        Dazai's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We are trying to help you!"
A low mumbled "Shut up."
"We wanted to help you with the drugs to be happy again! They were antidepressants!"
A wishpered "Shut up!"
"We are your friends! We are trying to help on whatever is in that insane mind of yours!"
"SHUT UP, DAMN IT!" I couldn't hold it any longer. I snapped.

I can't remember when was I pissed so badly last time.

"DAZAI! WE ARE TRYING TO HELP!"

"I DON'T CARE! YOU ALL ARE SELFISH! SO FUCKING SELFISH THAT YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE! You are only trying to help YOURSELF, not even caring about MY feelings! Do you think I have such a great experience with drugs?! I grew up in a world of miserable pain and suffering! I had to kill a hundred people and I still don't feel any shame! I fucking hate my life and I want to die! And what YOU, my so called friends, care about?! YOUR OWN FUCKING COMFORT!"
"What comfort...?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot that you all are as smart as a rock! I was being annoying, day-by-day, but you have gotten used to the 'cheerful Dazai' I was. So when it came to understand my REAL feelings, what did you do?! ORDERED DRUGS FROM MORI! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED ASKING HIM HOW MY FRIENDSHIP OR HISTORY WAS WITH CHUUYA?! OR THINK ABOUT THAT IT MIGHT HAVE KILLED ME?! AND YOU CALL ME YOUR FRIEND?! TELL ME YOU CARE?! Even the Maffia cared more about my health. I had real friends." I say as I walk up to the door.