The Stella I Remember

28| Lifesaver

"It says it right here! Side B runs parallel to Side A. You know what 'parallel' means, don't you?"

I looked at Marcus drolly. "Yes, I fucking know what parallel means. What I don't know is when you stopped understanding how to follow simple directions."

Marcus narrowed his eyes at me before he threw the white board on top of the mixed pile of wood, plastic, and nails. "You know what? I don't need your help, Elliot. Why don't you go back home to your girlfriend."

"What are you? Eight? And you asked me to help with this. Besides my 'girlfriend' is with your wife right now."

Frustrated, Marcus ran his hand through his hair before sitting on the small stool. When he called me this morning and asked me to help him put together the crib for his unborn child, I didn't think that this would happen. I've been here for three hours and the only thing we've done is bicker.

Well, that's not true. I did order a pizza for us about-

Ding-dong

We both jumped when the delivery driver rang the bell. When Marcus looked at me with crazy eyes, I walked to the door and retrieved the pizza.

I really felt for my best friend. He had a lot of pressure on him with the baby coming. I thought getting married was a big step for him. Boy was I wrong. Being a father and taking care of another's life was way more terrifying. I didn't think I would ever have the guts for something like that.

An image of Stella pregnant with our child popped in my head. It was followed by her cradling a newborn in her arms. She would be a terrific mother. I had no doubt about that. But I was still pretty screwed up in the head after all the shit I've dealt with over the years. I wasn't ready to play dad.

I sat the pizza on the dining room table and put two slices of the pepperoni on a plate for Marcus and two slices of the pepperoni and pineapple on a plate for me. I grabbed two cold beers from the fridge before taking our lunch into the nursery.

"Here's the food," I said, handing it to him.

He took the plate I offered and his beer. He eyed my plate with disgust. "How do you eat that shit? Pineapples don't belong on pizza."

I sat on the folding chair and took a swig of my beer. "I don't want to hear it. You like anchovies. Nothing excuses that."

We ate in silence. Both of us privately dealing with our own mental battles. I had no idea what he was thinking about, but I could tell by the tense look on his face that he wasn't much better off then me.

Speaking of me...My inner demons kept replaying Stella's little confession about her having a fiancée in New York. I believed her when she said she loved me. For fuck's sake, I could feel her love last night when we had sex. I felt it in the way she raked her nails down my back. Or in the way she wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling me deeper inside her. Then I heard it in the way she moaned, "I love you, Elliot" over and over again as she came in my arms.

But the real proof of it was in her eyes. It was all right there in those ocean blue eyes of hers.

I might be freaking out about this other guy, but her love for me was the one thing I was sure of.

"I can't do this shit."

Marcus' voice broke through my mental rant.

"Do what?" I asked cautiously. This didn't sound good.

He sat his plate on the floor next to his beer before he got up from the stool and started pacing back and forth in the nursery.

"I can't, Elliot. What the fuck was I thinking? I can't be a father." He pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand before gesturing in the air with the other. "This is insane. I knew it from the beginning."