The Stella I Remember

33| Change Of Plans

"Miss? Miss, did you hear me?" 

I turned my head towards the stewardess and blinked a few times before I asked, "I'm sorry, what?" 

She held out a pack of peanuts to me and I took it. "Would you like something to drink?" 

Tequila? "Um, water, please. Thanks." 

Once she was gone I went back to staring out of the window. I've been on this plane for hours now and I was still thinking the same thing: who the fuck am I? Apparently I spent eighteen years as Stella Amhearst and twenty one as Stella Reed. Who was the real Stella? 

But I already knew the answer, didn't I? 

I had never felt more like myself than I did with Elliot. Then as I got my memories back, the feeling got stronger. I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin and I never could figure out why. This was it. 

Then there was Elliot. That night we spent together last night was the best of my life. Besides the day I met him outside of that music festival, of course. We connected on another lever last night. We belonged to each other and nothing was going to separate us again. 

I cursed under my breath. Well that wasn't true was it? I was on a damn plane headed to New York. But I hadn't planned on leaving him last night. It was all a weird coincidence actually. I had gotten up in the middle of the night to use the restroom upstairs. When I was done, I heard my phone vibrate on my nightstand where it was charging. 

I had two missed calls from Matthew and eight from my mother. She was the last one to call. Instead of answering, I waited until the voicemail notification lit up on my screen. With a shaky breath, I put my phone to my ear and listened. 

"Stella Reed, I don't know what lies you've been told or by whom. If you are not back here tomorrow I am sending Matthew to get you. Do you hear me, Stella? This isn't a joke. He has already purchased a ticket and will be on the first flight tomorrow unless you answer this phone and tell me you are coming back." 

I went into panic mode after that. I couldn't let Matthew come here. It wasn't fair to Elliot and it would have only led to more problems. So I booked the first available flight and sent my mother the itinerary in a text. I still couldn't bring myself to talk to her on the phone right now. 

She replied with a thumbs up and said as long as I was on this plane then Matthew wouldn't come here. 

It killed me to leave Elliot. Once I had my things packed, I sat next to him on the blanket for awhile and stroked his hair. Tears fell when he turned his face into my hand and murmured my name. All I wanted in that moment was to crawl back under that blanket and have him wake me up the way he knew I loved. With slow kisses and "Good morning, baby" whispered in my ear. 

I miss his voice. 

Hell, I missed everything about him. The way he touched me. Loved me. And most of all the way he held me when I had my mini-breakdowns. Learning that your life was a lie, and the people you were supposed to trust most in the world were the ones who lied to you, it tends to hit you with a devastating blow. 

The only person who told me the truth and has been there for me was Elliot. And how did I repay him? By leaving. I only prayed that he saw the note I left him. I knew him well enough to know that he would panic if he thought I abandoned him. As much as it hurt that he still worried about that, I couldn't blame him. Not after how he suffered over the years. 

Marcus' words from the other night on his driveway whispered through my mind. 

"Look Stella, I'm not trying to upset you or make you feel guilty. Nothing is your fault. But you need to figure out if you're going to choose Elliot or this other guy back in New York. The longer this drags on, the harder its going to be for him. I'm just trying to protect him."