IDOL // JHOPE BTS - (On-Going)

Chapter 53 - Epiphany

Namjoon's POV

"It's still him after all this time, isn't it?" I'm hurt, yes. But I wanted to see her smile again like when she was with the one she truly loves. "Hobi. It's still him."

"H-how..." Her eyes begin to pool with tears.

You're looking far away when I'm looking right at you.

If you just turned your head, you'd see me.

"Don't cry." It would hurt me more seeing you cry.

"N-namjoon... you knew...?" She asked.

I pursed my lips and gave a smile. Smiling through the pain.

I'm standing right behind you... that's why I'm only looking at you...

"I- I'm sorry. ~" The tears in her eyes finally break free. "I-I'm sorry..." She repeated.

I pulled her into a hug wanting to assure her that I'm okay. I'm fine.

"There's nothing to be sorry about... It's not your fault that you love Hobi. It's not his fault either that he loves you. It's my fault that I love you..." I feel like crying too. I took a deep breath trying to stop myself from breaking down.

"I d-didn't know you felt that way... Why didn't you tell me?" She said still wailing. "I'm so dumb!" she hit her head.

"Hey! Don't do that!" I grab her hand to stop her. "Listen to me, Y/N, it's not your fault."

"Who's fault is it then? Yours? Namjoon, all this time I have no idea that you felt that way. It might have been you who's dumb between the two of us..." She said.

"You're right. I'm the dumb one here. Even though I know there is no way you'll love me back, I still hold onto that small hope that maybe... you might." I smiled at her. "You know, when people fall in love our brain releases chemicals that make us feel addicted to love and that makes us dumb."

"Don't justify it Joon. The point here is that I hurt you and... it's all my fault. It's my fault, Joon. My fault..." She said crying harder than before.

"How many times should it tell you that it's not your fault?" I tried to calm her down.

"No... it's my fault." She said in between sobs.

"It's not your fault. Please stop crying!" Oops. I think I scared her because she went quiet. "You don't look so pretty." I joked which makes her smile.

"I don't care." She walked closer to me and gave me a hug.

"It's okay. I swear. I'm okay... I'll get over you in no time." I rub her back to assure her that she doesn't have to feel guilty about me.

At last, I let my tears fall. I didn't hold them back because I'm weak. It's because for the first time in my existence, I'm able to love like this. A love that's not expecting to be reciprocated.

I'm crying because I'm in love.

She pulls away. "It's so unfairrr~ why do you still look good even when you are crying?" She said wiping my face with the sleeves of her hoodie.

I chuckle. "You know what, I was willing to take it." I pulled her back to my arms. How can I let her go this way?

"Take what?" She asks.

"Take all the pain for you. You can love him all you want, I'll understand that. I will bear that." I'll be her crying shoulders; rebound.

But I don't want to hurt Hobi either... At the end of the day, I'm not gonna be a rebound for her and a traitor to my brother.