I lived bitch. (Bingqiu)

Peerless

Binghe slipped the length into his mouth, lubricating it thoroughly with saliva. Taking it almost completely out of his mouth he rubbed all around the tip in wet circles with his tongue. He could feel the slippery texture against his flushed lips. As he felt the tip hit the back of his throat he made a lovely wet sound. Swirling it around in his mouth he bobbed it in and out before deep-throating it further. He took it out of his mouth completely then licked from the base to the tip.
No one would want to eat this cucumber now that it was so thoroughly coated in Binghe's saliva.
"Low key that was kinda hot." Sha HuaLing commented, staring. To which she earned a smack up the back of the head by MingYan who pretended like she did nothing. "What?!"
Luo Binghe downed another glass of alcohol, he should really slow down...
"Who's up for some 7 minutes in heaven?" YingYing broke the sexual tension.
"Yeah sure..." Binghe's words were a little slurred, he took another shot then spun the bottle
landing on Ning YingYing. He got up, almost stumbled back down when YingYing helped him over to the closet.
There was barely any room so they both kind of stood awkwardly.
"Haha by using the teachers emails and stuff that students get to ask questions after school hours, I managed to get Mr. Shen's number." She stumbled on her words a little, but got to the point eventually. Binghe's ears perked up at this. "You want me to prove it?" She hiccuped and then pressed the number.
"?!!" Binghe scrambled to get the phone and turn it off to scold YingYing until he heard an angelic voice.
"Hello this is Shen Yuan speaking, who is this?"

Binghe was frightened to death. Surely the gods would punish him for stealing away time of the most beloved Angel in all three realms. He started to sweat, but made sure to cover YingYing's mouth in case something uncalled for came out.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" He then heard a muffle of, "goddamn these prank calls at two in the fucking morning." Binghe barely heard it, only focusing on the voice not the words. YingYing licked his fingers and finally answered just as Shen Yuan was going to hang up.

"Ah yes!" Binghe cursed under his breath, just what is she doing! Whatever goes on in this girls mind on a daily basis is a complete enigma to him. "Um... this is Ning YingYing from your 11th grade ancient history class." Binghe made a look of complete puzzlement, she just gave herself away!

"Is there a reason you're calling at this hour?" Shen Yuan wanted to sound like a wise teacher, but he, himself, answered the phone at that hour too. And honestly he was too tired to even wonder how she got his number in the first place.

"Yes well, Binghe and a few friends came over to my place for a movie night..." Binghe felt imminent panic, surely this won't end well... "and we've had a couple of drinks." She said shyly, everyone there was over 18 anyway so he can't get them in too much trouble, "Binghe's passed out on the kitchen floor and I really don't know what to do! I'm kind of panicking... and he can't drive home like this."

"Ah, no need to say anything else. It's quite irresponsible to drink and plan no way home, I understand that he probably can't stay the night but you should've been more responsible. This teacher knows what you're saying," he sighed, "where are you currently? I can take him home if need be." Binghe's invisible tail was wagging behind him at each word. Damn YingYing is a lot smarter than he gives her credit!

YingYing gave him her address quickly as if in a panic. Addresses, landlines and mobile numbers are all accounted for on school forums anyway so she had nothing to worry about. After the call, their time was up and Binghe kept drinking even more in excitement and to try and make their ruse more believable.

"Excuse me... what?!" Shang QingHua's eyes almost popped out of their sockets, was he the only one here with a brain! Why would you invite a teacher here! At 2am! When students had alcohol! Surely they'd get in trouble, good thing he's been out of school for a long while... and what if this teacher is some 60 year old man who's come to abduct Binghe!?

"Yeah, Binghe has a fat crush on his history teacher and he's on his way here now." HuaLing repeated, she's seen it during class when she bothers to show up.

"So he thinks it'd be a good idea to get himself piss drunk! He could get taken advantage of!" Sha HuaLing and Ning YingYing looked each other in the eye then back at Shang QingHua who was still talking.

"Mr. Shen's less than 6 years older than Binghe and he's so nerdy that he probably still hasn't even had his first kiss." HuaLing commented. YingYing shrugged, she did think mr. Shen seemed like a refined gentleman and was pretty handsome but she caught a glimpse of his Hatsune Miku socks, so she couldn't quite refute the statement.

"I could seriously think of so many things that could go wrong within the next hour." Mobei-Jun stroked his hair, what's done is done. "Wait... Mr. Shen is Binghe's teacher?" The alcohol was definitely getting to him because he could no longer hold in any laughter. The hearty laughter reverberated throughout the thin walls, QingHua was greeted with very confused looks. "Oh, it's nothing!" He wiped a tear from his eye, god this was poetic! "It just reminded me of a book character." After he said the word character a second siege of laughter assaulted his abdominal muscles. "OH MY GOD ITS JUST TOO FREAKIN STUPID AHAHAHA" they all glanced to Mobei-Jun whom simply shrugged.

"From [Proud Immoral Demonic Way]?" YingYing wiggled her brows, making Binghe remember those photos on his phone.

QingHua stilled. Then nodded slowly. "Ahaha! I love that series! It's so goddamn funny!" YingYing continued to which QingHua felt kind of offended at that, that was his precious child, the gem of all his works and for him it was quite serious. "Reading all the reviews after the chapters makes it even funnier, some people just hate it yet so much and keep reading!" She laughed again.

"By any chance does this 'mr. Shen' look anything like the scum villain?" He questioned, to which a very drunk Binghe replied.

"H-he's not HiCuPp a villain nor a scum. Hehe scummy... mr. Shen is beautiful!" He staggered over to QingHua and plopped down next to him with a thud, showing him the rule +34 Shen QingQiu he had on his phone. "Shizun looks like this." He brought the screen to his face then laughed and turned his phone off. "He looks most beautiful in green..."

QingHua just stared wide eyed for a minute... he just said he didn't look like the scum villain then showed him nsfw art of the scum villain? He probably hasn't read PIDW. But wait! Who in the world would draw nsfw fanart of the most hated character in the series! And somehow looking at it just felt wrong. Ah. He was friends with another transmigrator in his past life that was in that body. THAT MAKES IT TEN TIMES WORSE WHY'D HE HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT NOW!???

"Shizzuuuuuuuun..." Binghe started crying and rubbing his cheek on his phone like his wife had just died. "It's so painful seeing you die in my arms every night without even knowing my feelings..." his voice was below a whisper yet QingHua heard it, and it made him remember something akin to despair. A few words revolved around his head: 5 years, the plant bodies didn't work, he's dead, you're alone, Huan Hua water prison... Xin Mo.
though it's not like that even had the slightest chance of happening in this timeline that had no cultivation at all. The only thing supernatural would probably be that encounter with the system, but that could've easily just been a long dream.

When he looked back over Binghe really was passed out... so much for a lie... at least someone's coming to take him home.
Almost on cue, rhythmic knocks were heard at the door, stable with the exact same timbre.
"It's Mr. Shen."
"Ah! Coming!" YingYing raced out, "ah we were able to move him into the lounge room, he's pretty heavy."
At one glance Shang QingHua could tell exactly who this man is. Those cynical eyes that seemed to judge and criticise anything that breathed too loud, those thin eyebrows with a natural tapered arch... even if the eye colour was different the resemblance was uncanny. Though his appearance did seem a little softer, QingHua couldn't help the slip he just made.

"Cucumber-bro?"