And then He Bled

His Butler, Lost

Ciel awoke in the morning to find Sebastian opening the curtains and tying them back. For some reason, he felt as though this would be the last time he ever laid eyes upon Sebastian, and he felt angered. Why would Sebastian leave him? Was he planning on leaving him?

"Ciel?" Sebastian asked.

"D-Don't call me that!" Ciel exclaimed, outraged, his pupils dilated, as he smacked Sebastian's hand away from his face.

"M-My lord..." Sebastian replied, his face expressing pain.

"Se-Sebastian..."

"Do you even love me?" Sebastian asked with tears welling up in his eyes. "Or am I just a toy to you?"

Ciel wanted him to stay, but was afraid that he would leave no matter what he said, so he decided to be quiet and stare at the cold floor. Sebastian was more than a toy, he was his love, but he was too afraid to say it.

"Sebastian, dress me." Ciel said coldly, perhaps a bit more than he intended to.

"I-I see..." He whispered sadly to himself as he sluggishly dressed Ciel.

Ciel slapped him across the face, leaving a pink mark that stung considerably, but Sebastian didn't care about the pain, he was too - upset. Why was his lord behaving this way? What had he done to upset him?

He's going to leave anyways, Ciel thought to himself. Why not make him hurt? Ciel cried as Sebastian quickly walked out the room in tears, slamming the door to his room behind him with such a large force that the house vibrated. Nearly an hour later, Sebastian exited the house to go for a stroll, he needed something, anything to lift him up from this current state of depression.

He suddenly had a dark thought... Why not sell his body? He had basically sold it to Ciel, now, he was going to sell it to someone else, but the thought made tears drop from his eyes; however, he didn't have much of a choice right now, he needed something to forget about Ciel. He searched the streets until he found a suitable place to wait for anyone to come, and someone did, it was a male who was rather attractive, but he paled in comparison to Ciel. The man lead Sebastian to his hotel room and locked the door before holding Sebastian in his arms and kissing his neck as he laid him down onto the bed before stripping himself and Sebastian, he then began to plow himself into Sebastian, and, as much as it hurt, he let out a moan mixed with tears and the man plowed into him harder and faster until he started to bleed, then he came inside Sebastian's weak body.

"Mmm, don't worry, I have more for you." The man groaned as he stroked Sebastian's manhood and rammed into him harder.

Sebastian arched his head back and bit his lips in pain as the man came inside him five more times before allowing him to leave, and with extra pay for being "such a good whore." Sebastian wondered the streets, his hips hurt, and he felt wobbly on his feet, however, one thing was for certain, he was not going home just yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sebastian returned to the manor at midnight, he smelled of sex and booze, and he looked - unhappy. He walked up the stairs to his room, only to find Ciel laying on his bed with his arms crossed and a stern look planted on his face.

"Where were you, Sebastian?" Ciel asked, clearly outraged.

"I was out." He answered rubbing the back of his head.

"You know what, I don't have to put up with this! I only put up with this because I love you, but then you go out having sex with other people while we are engaged, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Ciel yelled, slapping Sebastian several times across the face as tears flowed from his eyes.

"I-I... have no excuse." Sebastian replied bowing, his face red from the slapping. I truly am a fuck up!

"Se-Sebastian, I'm sorry, but - the engagement is over." Ciel barely managed to say as tears fell from his eyes before he ran out of Sebastian's room and locked himself in the bathroom within his room.

"I-It's okay." Sebastian replied, more glum than before, to himself, however, the truth was that it wasn't okay.

Sebastian went to the servant's bathroom and locked himself in, filling the tub full of water in order to "cleanse his impurities;" however, the odd thing was that he kept his clothes on and held the reaper dagger in his hand that he had been hiding in his closet for what seemed an eternity, now, it was going to be of use. Was he going to kill himself? Probably not, but he had to relieve some stress, so he slit the delicate skin of his wrists; the blade didn't go too deep, but it burned him, it felt as though he were being burnt alive, but he enjoyed the pain and seemed to get a blissful high from it and he made another cut, then another, and another. He just kept on going, further up his arms, but they never got deeper or serious enough to kill him, then he thought: why the fuck am I still here? The young master hates me, I am worthless to him... I was an idiot to do such things, - and he tossed me out like I meant nothing; is this his so called "love"? I hope I never hear that word again!

Sebastian cut deeply with that thought, and blood bubbled to the surface of his flesh. He lapped up the blood with his tongue before there was a knock upon the door, he froze, sitting there in silence.

"Sebastian, I know you're in there." Finnian said. "Come out so we can talk."

Sebastian didn't want to trust anyone ever again, especially himself.

"N-No?" He whispered, almost like a question.

"Se-Sebastian, what's wrong?" Finnian asked.

Sebastian allowed tears to fall from his eyes and mix with the bloody water, they made ripples upon the surface as they fell, only to disappear soon afterwards, that was how he felt to his master: unnoticed and unloved. Finnian unlocked the door with a key and found Sebastian bleeding in the tub, and he gapped in horror at the strong man who had fallen to this mental state.

"Se-Sebastian, please, don't do this EVER again. God, why did you do this?" Finnian asked, tears fell from his eyes onto Sebastian's bloodied arms.

"Didn't you hear? The engagement is off..." His eyes trailed down to his bloodied arms, wondering what would have happened if he had gone deeper.

Finnian wept harder.

"I am so, so sorry, Sebastian." Finnian barely managed to say through his tears.

"It's quite alright, I'm still breathing, aren't I?" Sebastian asked while putting on his best fake smile.

"Sebastian, your breathing because you're scared of dying. You want to die, I can see it on your face, and, at most, you're barely breathing because you have so much water in your lungs - it's holding you back, you need to let go of your fears and embrace Ciel if you truly love him." Finnian replied, tears dripping from his sorrowful eyes.

"Alright, should I try to talk to him now? I miss my bocchan." Sebastian said miserably.

"Do whatever your heart tells you." Finnian gestured and Ciel walked into the room, wondering what the commotion was about.

The look on Ciel's face was one of pure horror and - fear? He feared losing Sebastian, he wanted him to stay by his side through everything, and, there he was bleeding because of his stupid insecurities. Finnian walked out of the room, leaving the two alone, and Sebastian attempted to cover his arms.

"I apologize for appearing so indecent in front of you, master." Sebastian said coldly, not glancing up at his master.

"Don't worry about it. Look, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry for acting like a complete ass earlier and slapping you so much, you didn't deserve it, hell, I deserved to be cheated on with all of the abuse I was giving you. I'm so sorry Sebastian, can you ever forgive me?" Ciel asked, tears spilling from his eyes.

There it is again, that stupid concept of love. My heart is telling me to forgive him while depression and anxiety are saying that I can never love him again, not like I used to, nor can I ever, but what should I do? His apology seems sincere, should I accept it?

"Master, I humbly accept your apology." Sebastian answered, a newfound happiness filling him as Ciel told him that the engagement was never over.