When All We Have Is Peace

Bellamy

He knew that there was no point in trying to stop Octavia from going after Clarke; she was far beyond seeing reason, too focused on ripping the Princess a new one. Part of him even wanted to go with her, to try and convince Clarke to come home, but he couldn't. Bellamy knew that she needed time, he respected that and was willing to give her as much time as she required to move past everything; to forgive herself. He still wasn't entirely sure what happened in his absence, when he was inside the mountain, but from the way Octavia had spoken about things...it hadn't been good. Clarke had allowed Octavia to go to Tondc, and lied to him when he asked about it. She had put his sister in danger. Honestly, he had tried to be angry with her, but there had been this look in her eyes that stopped him, a look that assured him there was no way he could be angrier than she was with herself. It was that same look that had convinced him to let her go. Bellamy only wished that Octavia would understand, and allow Clarke the time and space to find her footing. He just hoped that his little sister didn't kill Clarke before then. She would catch up to Clarke pretty quickly; Octavia was a skilled tracker, and the Princess only had a days head start.

Bellamy sighed and ran a dirty hand over his face, effectively smearing the dirt and ash into his skin. He was relieved that he wasn't needed today. There was nothing to be repaired, no orders to be given to his people. Most of them were still in medical, or hiding in their tents anyways. He assumed that they would be grieving over the ones that were lost; today was dedicated to that. However, there were some happy faces around the busy camp. Kids reunited with their parents were sitting or walking around, catching up, celebrating being together again. It was a warm site to see, yet Bellamy was cold. 

It wasn't the fast approaching winter air, or the wind that made him cold; it was an absence. Her absence, Clarke's. She wasn't there to take it all in with him, they weren't grinning with pride. He was there, and she was somewhere far away, putting more and more distance between them with every passing second. As she went, she took her heat with her. He hadn't realized how much he had come to enjoy her fire, and now that Clarke was gone, Bellamy wished he would have appreciated it more when it was always right beside him. Always flickering, giving off a comforting heat...and the occasional spark. Bellamy used to ignore those tiny sparks, back in the early days when Clarke was nothing but a problem, an obstacle. He would pass them off as literal electric shocks from her spending so much time in the drop ship around all the electrical wires. There had been hate between them of course, no one could ever deny that, but it hadn't  lasted long. Bellamy saved her life, and she accepted him for what he truly was; a broken man. Clarke had given him forgiveness for all the things he had done, she had lifted that weight from his shoulders; Clarke had given him a second chance.

He'd wanted to do the same for her, but she refused to let him and that made Bellamy furious. Who was she, forgiving monsters and offering second chances, then walking away from her turn? He would have done anything to help her piece herself back together, why couldn't she see that? He would have done anything to protect her, yet she just walked away. Clarke had left him alone with a world of responsibilities, and no one to have his back!

With an angry growl, Bellamy tossed back the rest of his drink and trudged over to Clarke's tent. He hesitated before ducking inside. Never in his life had a space felt so empty. Most of her belongings were still there, her maps were scattered across her bed, and more paper littered the table in the corner. Her clothes hung from a broken off branch on one of the tent poles; they were still spotted with blood. It smelled like Clark;, earthy, slightly metallic, and some type of medicinal herb that she would rub on her chest whenever her throat had started to hurt. Clarke swore that the stuff worked, but he wasn't so sure. The memories made him smile for a moment, then he sat down on the cot and rested his head in his hands.

"Dammit Clarke, I know I can do this on my own, but I shouldn't have to. You shouldn't make me do this." Bellamy whispered, feeling the full weight of all the sleepless nights finally catch up with him. He shook his head, and decided that closing his eyes for an hour or two wouldn't be such a bad idea.