When All We Have Is Peace

Octavia

Octavia left the small village with a heavy heart, the empty, desperate, torn apart look in Clarke's eyes, burned into her mind. She had managed to tear down Clarke's walls, something that few people were ever able to do, but Octavia didn't feel a sense of accomplishment. She finally understood why those walls had been up in the first place, why she'd left after they'd saved their people...Clarke was broken. She understood why Bellamy hadn't stopped her from leaving; he'd always been able to see right through his co-leader, and he knew that she needed space to put herself back together. Octavia felt a pang of guilt deep in her stomach; she might have made things worse by tearing into her like that.

"Octavia!"

For a split second, Octavia believed that it was Clarke calling after her, but then she turned around and saw Indra approaching, and a weight seemed to settle itself on her shoulders. "Indra."

The older woman stopped a few feet in front of her; hand on the hilt of her sword. "The Commander has requested that you accompany us back to your camp."

"Has she?" Octavia said, crossing her arms. She didn't want to travel with the Grounders, she wanted nothing to do with them, but the expression on Indra's face made it clear that it wasn't really a request. So Octavia nodded and followed the Grounder warrior.

The Commander offered her a smile when Octavia joined them, but she didn't return it. "Lexa." Octavia greeted bleakly, mounting the horse next to Indra.

"Thank you for joining us Octavia." The Commander tried.

Octavia sighed and met the girl's eyes. "Don't worry, I won't abandon you." She snapped, not taking her eyes off of the Commander. Behind her, Octavia heard a few gasps, and she felt Indra's fingers wrap around her wrist, but she shook her off. "Let's get going."

The journey was silent for the most part, and Octavia was perfectly fine with that. Every once in a while, Indra or Lexa would offer her water, but Octavia refused; she didn't want their help, she didn't want anything from them. She was aware of the anger burning through her veins, growing with every mile. If Lexa had stayed to help Clarke, none of this would be happening. If Lexa hadn't talked to Clarke the night that TonDC was bombed, Clarke wouldn't have let all those people die. No matter which way Octavia looked at it, every bad decision that Clarke made was made because of Lexa. Octavia clenched her jaw and shook her head; Clarke just needed to be away from Lexa, not her friends. If anything, she needed them more now than ever.

They arrived at Camp Jaha in the late afternoon of the next day, and Octavia lead them into the Ark, telling one of the guards to find Bellamy. She found Abby in the "Council Room" and quickly caught her up on the occasion of the Grounders visit. She was relieved to see that Abby looked as unhappy as she felt. Bellamy showed up a few moments later, and Octavia shot him a look before slipping out of the room to go and talk to Raven. She walked swiftly to medical, not stopping to chat when people greeted her, anger threatening to explode out of her. Thankfully Raven was awake when she barged into her curtained area, but Wick was there. He glanced up when Octavia came in, but the light smile left his face when he saw her.

"See you later Reyes." He mumbled, dropping a kiss on her head before leaving.

Octavia's eyes followed him out, and then she turned her attention back to Raven who was staring at her with a raised eyebrow. "What's your problem?"

"I found Clarke." She replied, pacing the small space.

"What? Is she here? Is she okay?"

Octavia pressed a hand to her eyes, feeling sick from the lack of sleep. "She's not here. She's not okay. And I'm not sure if she'll ever be okay again."

"Octavia stop pacing. You're driving me crazy." Raven snapped, sitting up straighter. "Sit down and tell me what happened." So Octavia sat down and told Raven about her conversation with Clarke, and about her thoughts on Lexa. While she spoke, she felt the weight on her shoulders begin to lift ever so slightly.

"I shouldn't have yelled at her."

Raven chuckled, slowly getting out of bed. "You're still mad at her, I get why you did."

Octavia shook her head. "We have to help her...before she does something stupid."

Raven's head snapped up, eyes wide and full of fear. "You don't think she'd..."

"I'd like to think that she wouldn't, but the look in her eyes...I'm scared for her." Octavia squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in her hands.

Raven drew in a deep breath. "Go get some sleep Octavia, I'll talk to Bellamy and we'll figure something out."