One Last Time - We Are Defencless - Sequel

Chapter 43 - Zayn

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, bub?"

The concern and care in Liam's voice make my heart do a flip in my chest and a new, yet familiar feeling spread through my entire body. Even though I've known him for 11 years, I still get butterflies when his puppy eyes look at me as if I'm the only person in the room.

He's leaned against the door frame with his phone and wallet in one hand, the other running through his now blonde hair before pulling his hat out of the pocket of his lilac hoodie.

I clear my throat, pushing away the things playing on a loop at the front of my mind, "I'll be alright, Li. I'll probably catch up on some sleep before tomorrow since they're having us up at the ass crack of dawn."

I force a chuckle in a weak attempt to pretend as if the tour isn't a crushing weight on my already heavy shoulders.

The thought of all those people watching me almost every night again is making me nauseous from my seat in the beige armchair. I don't know how I would deal with it if people start bringing those awful signs again.

I might be 28 years old, but the flashes of people who don't even know me, calling me terrible names still have a lump knotting in my throat. Exactly like it did when I was 18.

Apparently, I could ditch the music and become an actor with all this pretending to be something I'm not. Because Liam laughs, covering his hair with his beanie before practically tackling me to the bed. Before my brain can even comprehend the weight pressing my back into the sheets, Liam has his face buried in my neck, holding me to him in a grip tight enough to make me wheeze.

But the feeling he gives me is something I could bask in for the rest of my life if he would let me. I never want to let him go, so I snake my arms out from his to fist the material of his hoodie letting my mind go blank for a second.

"I love you so much, Zayn Javaad Malik. No matter what happens, don't let anyone change who you are, bub. Especially not people who envy you. They're just dickheads with tiny egos who don't know you at all."

I'm sure the tightness in my throat would've been less intense if he was staring into my soul with those eyes instead of whispering into the crook of my neck. His warm breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Zayn?"

When I don't answer, just hug him tighter to my body, he pulls his face out of my neck. I can feel his gaze on my face, keeping my eyes wired shut. "Baby. Look at me, please."

I hesitantly let my eyelids open, seeing Liam's face flush with colour. "You hot?", is apparently all my stupid brain could come up with.

My cheeks are probably crimson read right now as his face breaks into a bright grin, "I'm trying to have a serious conversation here, and you're offering me half-arsed compliments to get in my pants, Malik?", the cheek in his tone making my own lips turn.

"I don't need half-arsed compliments to get in your pants, Payno.", I quip back.

"You've gotten ballsy, haven't you?"

I shrug my shoulder, "Can't become something I already am, love."

-

I've been alone for less than an hour.

And I've been sat on the cold bathroom tiles ever since Niall hollered "Adios bitch!" followed by the front door slamming shut.

Once I was alone, all the stuff I'd been pushing back. The shit I had been pretending didn't exist came rushing back like a truck hitting me at full speed.