Love for Rent

x Truth and a Lie x

'I am so sorry, Ma,' I apologized right away to my Aunty Afza when she opened the door, and I left the umbrella outside, leaning against the wall before coming inside. She took the bag from my hands and rushed me to the washroom to change into dry clothes before saying anything. The storm was getting worse outside and also inside my life. Something uncertain was waiting on the other side of the storm. I didn't know if the storm was going to worsen or settle.

'What are you still doing here, standing like a statue?' I heard her yelling from the kitchen. My stomach grumbled, and I went inside the washroom for a quick hot shower. I could already smell the tea brewing on the stove and the smell of potato curry and fresh roti.

'Was Jaan holding you back?' She turned off the television when I returned to the living room. The food was waiting for me at the table. I sat back on the sofa and picked up my plate, and took the first bite.

'This is delicious,' I told her and caught her looking at me from the corner of my eyes.

'How many times do I have to tell you he is my boss... a good friend that's all, also he is in love with an outsider girl' I shook my head with a bit of laugh. She knew I was being sarcastic; I had met his girlfriend plenty of time, and she was warm and kind. I did not give two cents about caste or color or anything. I was a child that came out of a nameless relationship. All people were the same to me. She was a good person; she was good to me, and that's all that was important for me.

'Could have been you instead of her,' She said with sadness in her voice. She wanted me to get married so badly, but who was going to marry me? I had nothing to offer. At least not the things that were a prerequisite for marriage these days. A family name, money, a good job, a nice home, and a proper profession. A happy married life was not realistic for someone like me, and I knew that, so I was happy. My expectations were only with myself, so I never got disappointed. I just wanted a life where Ma would be healthy, and I would be doing what I always wanted to do. I never wanted to be in anyone else's shoes other than my own.

'No, thank you, singlehood is serving me well, thank you very much,' I countered.

'You will be thirty soon,' She said like it's an announcement.

'Don't I look amazing?' I teased her, and she lightly punched me in irritation and turned on the television.

'We will buy a bigger house,' I said a while later when I saw a celebrity showing their big mansion on the television, and I looked around at our one-bedroom apartment in the middle of the hustling and bustling city, sometimes it got so loud that if I shouted no one would hear me.

'Don't overwork...this is fine,' She said to me and brought me a cup of tea.

'You say this only, so I don't worry, but you would have a different life if it weren't for me,' I reminded her again. We often had these conversations, but as I grew older, I noticed people moving on. Moving on to better jobs and bigger houses, getting married, having children, starting a business, getting a divorce, moving...doing something, but her life stayed the same. When I grew up and started to pick up on things, I realized I was a child of a nameless relationship. My parents were a myth. Whoever my father was, he got my mother pregnant and left her, and my mother left me with Ma, who was a friend of my birth mother. My birth mother promised Ma that she would return to me, but she never did. I was five years old when I got the news that she had died. Ma never mentioned how my birth mother died, but I knew it was not a good death from the look on her face when she told me about it then. Ma then brought me to Karachi and started working, telling people that I was her child, and her husband was dead, and we continued to live in this big city as two liars.

Just as I was finishing college, Ma got sick, and I learned that her liver was failing and she needed a liver transplant. She started getting sicker, so I forced her to leave her canteen job at a college, and I started working for Jaan. He used to study at the college where Ma worked and offered me a job at his restaurant. I completed college and wanted to go to the theatre, but I didn't have the money to do that. Ma knew I wanted to act, so she saved every penny she could to participate in talent shows and drama classes. She stitched all the costumes for me, applauding when I showed her my dance steps as I copied the actresses' moves on the television. She never once stopped me and told me to never stop trying and going after my dreams. She said my dreams were hers now.

'Where do you get lost these days?' She murmured, and I took another bite of the food.

'I was admiring your cooking,' I said quickly and started taking one bite after another, thinking how I was going to tell her that I was leaving for a month. She didn't need to know the getting married part.

'Did you take your medicine?' I asked her and got my bag to give her extra medicine.

'Did you buy the whole store?' She glared at the big brown bag of prescribed pills that I had gotten for her.

'It's for a month,' I told her and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, and she followed.

'Why?' She stood near and watched me with tension.

'I am leaving tomorrow for a wedding' I cleaned around the stove and finally met her questioning and worrying glare.

'Jaan got a big catering order for a wedding, so I am going with him, it'll be about a month long' I dropped my eyes and walked around her to sit on the sofa again.

'Absolutely not, you are not going anywhere,' She said stiffly.

'We need the money.' I turned to face her when she stared at me with anger.

'Besides, I have already said yes to him,' I added.

'You are not going to work tomorrow; I am going to call him....' She was about to reach for her phone to call Jaan, but I got it first and pushed it away from her reach.

'Ma,' I said loudly, and she stopped fighting me for the phone.

'We need the money, you know it. I want to see you how you were before; I can't see you in pain...please, just for a month' I grabbed her hands to make it stop fidgeting.

'No,' She stated clearly even after all the begging.

'Don't you trust me? You looked after me, and now when it's my time to do the same, you are not letting me...I may not be your blood....' I stuttered, and she quickly tightened her grip around my hands.

'Don't say that ever' She weakly said.

'Then don't make this hard for me. I will be back soon; we will have enough money to take care of you. I have already spoken to Zehra Aunty. She will come to visit you, and I will call you all the time, and Suraiya Aunty spends her days here anyways,' I assured her.

'It's not me that I am worried about,' She told me.

'Are you really going to a wedding? Don't lie to me' She questioned me carefully.

'Yes, I am doing this for a wedding,' I promised her. Just like my life,this promise, too, was a half-truth and a lie. We spent most of the nighttalking while I packed my things and later Ma finally fell asleep next to me. Ichecked my phone before heading to bed, and I saw a message from Shahzaib withnothing but a time and a place where he would pick me. Even food delivery appswere friendly than him. No wonder he never found true love. I laughed at my dryjokes. But that fake smile dissolved into big heavy tears when I turned aroundand noticed a light brush of my Ma's hands against mine. I held her handlightly and faced her, praying that no matter what happens, she gets to livebecause I was nothing without my Ma.

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Hi lovelies, hope you enjoyed this update xx

Catch you next week :)