Love for Rent

x Dangerous Game x

'This feels so good.' I closed my eyes and relaxed Ma when she oiled my hair. Surprising her was a great idea, seeing her eyes light up when she saw me standing at the door was such a wonderful moment, we had never spent this much time apart, and even though we spent little time apart, it felt like a lot of time had passed. Maybe I imagined it, but I noticed she had lost her weight. There were more wrinkles around her eyes, and her moment was slow. The lighting in our house seemed dim compared to Shahzaib's house, there was a light layer of dust on some parts of the furniture, and even in two in the morning, when it was supposed to be quiet, it was deafening outside our house wall. The market was still running, the restaurants were still open, people were still chatting, life was still passing, and I went back to my real life.

'Your scalp is so dry, I told you to oil your hair once a week,' She said while the tip of her fingers massaged my head slowly in circles.

'I tried, but it didn't feel like how it feels when you do it' I turned around and rested my head in her lap since I was sitting on the floor and she was on the sofa behind me. I tried several times to tell her I would go back, but I feared telling her the reason. I had a good excuse to tell her why I would need to go back in a few days when I didn't know how long I had to stay with Shahzaib until he got to his side of the property.

'What's bothering you?' She must have noticed something was wrong. I opened my eyes and looked at her when she asked me. She rubbed my shoulders.

'I am tired' I lay down my weapons and cried aloud. I had been holding so many things inside of me, trying to keep things together, promising myself that I wouldn't break, but everything felt like it was shattering, and I was drowning in my lies, and I was a fraud. I was not honest with anyone anymore.

'Go to sleep' She kissed my forehead and moved out of her way to let her step away from the sofa. She was going to the bedroom when she stopped to look at me as I was still sitting down.

'I'll come later. I will stay here for a moment,' I told her. She gave a concerned gaze.

'I am okay,' I told her with a convincing smile. She nodded, slightly hesitant but thankfully didn't inquire further, and went inside the room. I tied my hair in a knot and changed into my night clothes after taking a shower. I was drying my hair when I noticed a text from Shahzaib.

You: You up?

I wasn't sure if I should respond this late to his message, but I couldn't help it. I had to reply.

Yes

I replied, keeping my eyes on the screen, waiting for a response. Instead of sending me a message, he called right away.

'Hi,' He said when I answered his call on the first ring. I gripped the phone tighter in my hand when I heard his voice.

'Hi,' My heart started beating at an unreasonable rate.

'You were not sleeping, were you?' He asked me.

'I was. You disturbed me,' I replied with a flat voice.

'Really?' He asked me worryingly. I felt bad for teasing him like that.

'Yes,' I added, feeling terrible, but it was fun.

'Okay, then I should go,' He said. What did he say?

'What?' I questioned him. He didn't say anything. He was joking. He better be.

'Come see for yourself, open the door,' I heard him say. I ended the call straight away. He was here. I tiptoed to the room to check on Ma and saw her sleeping quietly. I closed the door carefully again and went to open the front door to check if Shahzaib was actually here.

I opened the door, and long behold, it was Shahzaib standing before me. I opened my mouth to curse but stopped myself. He can't do that, he can't come to my house like that.

'Go away,' I held up my hand to stop whatever he was about to say, looking away from him. I was hoping that coming here would help put some distance between us, but seeing him like this made me realize this won't work.

'Hear me out' He took my hand and pulled it lower as he stepped closer to me. I kept checking the room behind me where Ma was sleeping. I didn't want her to us.

'Why are you here?' I returned my gaze to him and caught him staring at me silently. I gave him a questioning nod to answer me, but he didn't.

'What happened?' I searched his eyes to get my answer or hint, but I got nothing.

'Seher,' He started, and he appeared to be a bit nervous. Did something bad happen? Was he here to deliver some bad news?

'What is it?' I focused on him entirely when I noticed his discomfort as he avoided meeting my eyes.

'Shahzaib' I took a step closer to him and touched his shoulder to make him look at me.

'I want this marriage to be a real one' I thought I misheard him at first. When he noticed me standing still as I tried to understand what was happening, he repeated the same thing.

'Why?' I asked him weakly as tears dwelled in my eyes.

'Because I am in love with you, Seher, hard, and I can't stop it anymore,' He declared as his eyes grew with fire, making a lump in my throat.

'No,' I finally managed to utter without breaking down in front of him. I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't bring my complexities into his life. It was not fair to him. I was there to help him, return a favor, not get my worries and struggles for him to face with me. He was a good man, and he didn't deserve it. I had to hurt him to save him from my life. I had responsibility, a duty to look after Ma, make something out of my life, complete some life goals, and agree to his proposal would mean sacrificing everything. Yes, he told me that he wanted to support me, help me grow, but he was a man after all. What if he changes his mind? What if all goes wrong? What if I give myself to him and he leaves me?

'Why are you like this?' He pulled me outside my house and pushed me against the wall next to him as he got closer to me and placed his hand under my chin to meet his eyes. I rechecked Ma's room, and there was no moment.

'You need to leave' I pushed his hand away and glared at him with anger.

'I am going to ask...' He started, but I cut him off.

'No...' I breathed heavily and continued to watch him with rage. He really wanted to push me to hell this time.

'Fine, deal is off,' He warned me, backing away from me. I had to be strong to face this. I couldn't let him see my vulnerabilities.

'I am relieved to hear this,' I fired back. Maybe this was for the best, no more confusion, no more lying. I was hoping he would leave after hearing me say this, but instead, he moved so fast towards me that I didn't notice it until he reached toward me, stopping just a few inches away from me and his lips almost touching mine.

'You're playing a dangerous game, Seher. I won't let you win this one,' He said with searching eyes, but I stayed firm and glared back at him. Suddenly I heard Ma's coughing from the room, so I pushed him and stepped inside the house. I was about to close the door, but Shahzaib stopped it with his hand and pushed it open again.

'Come to this place,' He said while texting, and my phone buzzed. He had texted me the address. Before I could protest, he held up his hand in front of me. He pointed at the phone and left, leaving me speechless. I closed the door and ran to the room to see Ma. 

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