At Midnight

Chapter 16

The bell rang and I jolted up from my seat. The auditorium was empty and even the professor wasn't around. I wiped off the drool with the sleeve of my sweater and gathered my stuff. I rubbed my eyes and tried to fix my hair.

Glancing at the clock, it was already half past one in the afternoon. I had been asleep for the past two hours in there.

I groaned inwardly when I realized that I still had three more hours of school. Thinking about the consequences, I gave up and strolled towards my car in the car park and dumped my textbooks on the backseat. It didn't matter if I skipped school anyway. It didn't matter if I failed everything anymore. School meant as much as a dead rat on the sidewalk to me.

I drove back home and took a long hot shower. After changing into sweats, I went out to the backyard with a book and my precious pack of cigars. I sat on the swing set and rocked back and forth gently. The trees had already lost most of its leaves then and the remaining ones were brown in color.

The memories came back and I remembered Maddy commenting about how she loved it when the colors of the leaves changed.

Maddy and I were like best friends despite the age difference. She was my only cousin and we were inseparable. She kept me company whenever I felt alone and even though, she didn't understand what was going on, she tried to and she listened. She was Uncle Charlie's only daughter and he was beyond heartbroken when Maddy died in a car accident two years ago. She was seven when it happened. The death of their daughter tore him and his wife apart.

Eventually, he remarried and had a son too. He was happier but I could still see the hurt in his eyes whenever he saw a little girl with her dad.

I sighed deeply. However, I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone rang. I cleared my throat and answered, without bothering to check the caller ID.

" Hello?" I asked.

" Mia!" Javier answered cheerfully.

" And what do I owe the pleasure of the long awaited phone call?" I joked.

" Ha-ha, sorry about that. I just ended school. And I was wondering if you'd like to go for dinner later?" He asked. I could feel him smiling.

" Sure." I desperately needed something to get my mind off things and staying at home wasn't an option.

I spent the next few hours getting ready and rummaging through my closet for any cute clothes to wear. I didn't know why but I had the urged to look nice when I was with him. Javier picked me up from my house and we went to a nearby pizzeria. It was a homey and family friendly environment. It was packed with people but luckily for us, there was a table available. We sat down and ordered a pizza to share.

" My mum used to bring me here when I was a kid." I said after the waiter had left.

" Yeah? I came here once with my dad and he hated it." He laughed at the memory and his smile faded when he saw my face fell. " Did I say something wrong?" He asked, worried.

" No, it's just. I never really had a dad." I said as calmly as possible and gave him a straight face.

" Oh, I'm sorry. What happened? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable." He said.

" He moved to Orlando after he left us. He told her he didn't love us anymore and I haven't heard from him since." I shrugged. "I wasn't old enough then to remember him that clearly so it didn't hurt as much. But it still hurts, I guess."

" I'm sorry, you deserve so much better. He's such an asshole."

" He is." I smiled a little. It was a nice feeling to know that Javier cared about me. He was genuine and I could see it in his eyes. And I guessed that was another thing that I really liked about him.

" Let's not talk about douches at the table. How was school today?" He smiled, trying his best to cheer me up.

" I didn't go." I shrugged. I was doing a lot of shrugging lately.

" Why not?"

" I did for the first few hours then I fell asleep. So I thought ' fuck it, it doesn't matter' and went home to read."

" What, you're not like this all the time right? How are your grades?"

" I'm failing everything."

" How can you be so nonchalant about this? Don't you care?" He asked, a little bit worried, a little bit angry.

" I just don't see anything in my future. Why are you so worked up on this?"

" Because my parents and I have to work our asses off to afford my bloody education and it seems to me that you're throwing yours away." He said, trying to calm himself down.

" So does mine. But I just don't see the point." I looked down at my hands fiddling with each other on my lap. I felt like a child being scolded by an adult for drawing on the walls.

" So what do you wanna do in the future?" His eyes softened.

I shrugged again. I'd probably be dead by then.

The food came and we ate. It was delicious but I had lost my appetite so I barely touched my portion. Javier dropped me off at home and before he set off, he said, " We'll figure out the future thing together." I nodded and gave him a weak smile.

" I'll call you later." He kissed me on the cheek before driving off. A part of me couldn't stop thinking that I had just screwed up everything. I didn't want to lose him.

It was true – I was throwing away my education and my mother's hard earn money while some people had to work hard just to send their kids to a decent school nearby. No wonder Javier was upset. He probably thought that I was selfish and self-absorbed.

So what if I was? It didn't matter. I knew that I was going to be dead sooner or later and school was definitely not how I'd want to spend my last moments on Earth, breathing in the stale and stinky air of some confined lecturer hall and of people's body odor.

I was going to die soon. So everything didn't matter to me at all. There was no point in anything.