Sometimes people are in situations that they have never even imagined of being in! You don't want to do something, but you still do it. It's not voluntary! But a force inside you makes you do it.
I was in that situation that night when I decided to self harm. I didn't want to do it, and I am not very fond of hurting my self deliberately. But something came over me and I just couldn't stop it. It's easy for people to ask you why you did it and if you're crazy. But they have no idea what's going through your mind and heart. They don't know how low and worthless you feel at times. They only focus on the outside story, which is that you cut yourself.
I know what it felt like to be hated by your own blood. Firstly, my father who wanted to have me killed because I got in his path to 'ruling the world'! He tried everything he possibly could. Nobody would know how much it hurts when the main evil force is coming from a family member until they've felt it themselves.
My mother meant the whole world to me. She was the only parent I had who really went through every part of my life. We did drift apart as I grew older, but that is no reason for her to be so embittered. I have never done anything wrong to her and yet she still wanted to watch me die.
It was easy for Nathan to ask me why I did cut. But it wasn't that easy for me to give him an answer, because I wasn't quite sure myself. He sat down next to me and slowly pulled my hand into his. He gently traced the deep cut wound with his soft fingers. His touch sent tingling sensations down my spine.
"Why did you do it Eve?" He repeated himself.
".. I.. erm.. Just wanted to do it Nath! I really have no idea."
"Babe! Don't hurt yourself for reasons that are not even worth it. Ok? Your mother is being blinded by her hatred towards I don't know what. I'm sure she'll come back to her senses soon. Please don't do this to yourself! I can't see you like this!" He exclaimed. I gave him an apologetic expression in return. I had run out of words and didn't know what to say.
"You promise not to cut again?" He asked. I was about to answer with an argument but he cut me off!
"PROMISE ME! You will not cut EVER AGAIN!" He raised his voice a little. I gave up and sighed.
"I promise!" I whispered.
"I'm going to throw this away. Alright?" He asked and I nodded. He moved closer and placed a gentle but lingering kiss on my forehead. He could be so loving and caring sometimes. I was so lucky to have him. I never deserved such a good boyfriend/fiance.
I laid back down on the bed and pushed my head into the pillow. I was extremely depressed and I couldn't turn to anyone for help. I didn't want to flood Nathan with my emotional problems! He had already done more that enough for me.
I felt the bed creak as Nathan got onto it. I turned around and placed my head on his chest. He gently stroked my hair. It was a little relaxing at that point of time. I was slowly starting to drift away until Nathan moved his hand further down. He started playing with the ends of my shirt. I wasn't sure where he was going with that so I gave him a weird look. He just leaned down and started kissing me passionately. At first I was a little taken aback but then gave into it soon enough. Without parting our lips, he rolled over so that he was on top. With one hand he dimmed the lights in the room....
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2 weeks had passed since I found out the truth about my mother. She hasn't tried contacting me ever since. I hadn't contacted her either. Charlotte messaged me every now and then and I replied to her as well. I never had anything against her and it wasn't necessary to bring her into a fight between me and my mother. She was young and didn't even know that we weren't humans.
Recently I've been feeling very sick. It was unreasonable for me to just get sick out of the blue. I hadn't even gone out that much and I threw up almost every day for the past 2 weeks. Nathan has been stressing on the fact that I should go visit a doctor but I didn't listen to him. I hate hospitals and I hate doctors. I don't really have a specific reason, but they just scare me.
It was the second time that I was running to the bathroom because of my awful sickness. I felt terrible and my face was all pale and tired-looking. I didn't know what to do. I decided to go get some medicines from the drug store. I grabbed my coat and just left home. Nathan was too busy into his silly video game to even slightly be bothered about my whereabouts.
I walked slowly as I was still feeling sick. That's when a horrifying idea came into my head. I froze on spot and thought it through again. The last time Nathan and I had sex was 2 weeks ago. And ever since then I've been sick. I was too young to be pregnant. And Nathan obviously wouldn't want a baby in his way when he's trying to pursue his dream.
My sweat glands were pouring like crazy. I sped to the drug store and quickly brought myself a pregnancy test. It didn't take very long to make the payment so I quickly walked back home.
Nathan as usual was living in his own dream world to care. I walked into the toilet and did what was necessary. My heart was pounding at an incredible rate and my face was wet from all the sweat. I waited a few seconds before looking at it. It was so scary and I had never been so nervous in my entire life. Not even while seated in one of the most horrendous exams ever. After I got the confidence, I slowly looked at the test....
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Sorry this chapter is terribly short. I am really busy and I have a very big test coming up next week and I'm basically screwed for it. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring as there's not really much content in it. But still comment on how you thought it was. Pretty please (:
Vote/fan ;)
-Ella x
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Dark Passion - Nathan Sykes Love Story
Romance*Sequel to Fatal Attraction* Evelyn had finally thought that all her sorrows and bad days had left her. She was now very closed to getting married and living happily ever after with the one she loved. But destiny has something else in mind for her...
