With All The Stars Combined [RPW Series #1]

10

Nagising ako ng may marinig na katok mula sa pinto ng kwarto ko.

"Anak" tawag ni Mommy.

"Po?"

"Bumaba ka na, andito na ang Daddy mo"

Napatayo ako dahil sa gulat. Ano daw? Si Daddy? Please, no. I cannot!

Nag-ayos lang ako, bago bumaba. Nangangatog na yung tuhod ko nasa hagdan pa lang ako. Nang makita ko si Daddy sa baba na kumakain, awtomatiko atang tumigil ang mundo. Malalamig na rin ang kamay ko at hindi ko na alam kung paano ba hihinga.

"Daddy" bati ko saka lumapit sa kanya akmang hahalik sa pisngi pero hinarang n'ya ang kamay n'ya sa pagitan ng kanyang pisngi at ng labi ko.

"How's your studies?" tanong n'ya agad.

"Ah..." tanging nasabi ko.

"Not good right?" Nanliit na naman ako. "Where's your brother?"

"Sabi n'ya po kina Kuya Emanuel daw po, may group study po ata sila" sagot ko.

"Eh bat ikaw nandito sa bahay at natutulog pa? Your brother is working his ass off. Hindi tumitigil sa kaka-aral. Eh ikaw? Andito sa bahay at puro tulog na lang." sermon n'ya. "Pinapabayaan mo ba ang pag-aaral mo?"

"May sakit po ako kahapon" mabilis na sagot ko. Pero sa utak ko gusto kong sagutin na kalusugan ko ang napapabayaan ko para lang sa kanya, sa expectations.

Napataas ang balikat ko ng ibagsak n'ya sa plato ang kutsarang hawak at biglaang tumayo.

"Reasons, Salixins! I'm done with your reasons!" galit na sigaw n'ya.

Matapos iyon ay umalis siya sa lamesa at pumunta sa kwarto nila. Ilang araw na parang hangin ako sa kaniya. Hanggang sa isang araw pagkauwi ko...

"How is your studies?" tanong n'ya matapos kong umupo. Kakagaling ko lang sa school.

"It's good po"

"In your point of view or mine?" tanong n'ya muli na hindi ko masagot. Dahil ano nga ba ang tamang sagot?

May bang tamang sagot?! Paano ko sasagutin yun? That's the question that I can never answer. Since I was a child, I was never enough to them. I was good but not good enough.

Simula bata pa lang kami, lagi ng si Kuya ang mas better. They were so fond of my brother. Para sa kanila, siya lang ang magaling. It is always Calix. While me? I need to prove myself, my worth, my intelligence, everything about me, to them. To my own parents, especially my Dad. I never heard him say, 'magaling ka' or even 'good job.' It's always, 'ito lang?', 'this is your best?', 'this isn't enough Salixins!', 'you're nothing compared to your brother!' It freaking hurts. And it cause my downfalls, it caused me so much. Kuya graduated as Valedictorian and I did too, but they celebrated his successes more than mine. Every mistake I committed in my past was always brought back every time I fail. They wanted a perfect child. They had Kuya. Kuya is perfect, obedient, intelligent and most of all their answered prayer. And me? I can never be the perfect daughter in their eyes, I can't even be good enough.

"Salixins! You better give me high grades this time, or I'll send you to a public school!"

I was trembling in fear as I hear Dad's thunder voice.