Lady Stardust

18. Moony's Sixteenth

TW: Detailed description of an anxiety attack. This is where it really hits the fan.

March 10th

Ariene filled her pockets with little wrapped chocolates and cigarettes for Remus before walking to breakfast. She was excited about Remus's birthday. She really needed a party, and an excuse to get drunk. She was still having these feelings. She would casually be petting Bowie, alone in her dorm, and suddenly she didn't know peace, panting, struggling to breathe, feeling like she was going to die. It usually happened when she was alone, but whenever she felt one coming around her friends, she would make a quick excuse and leave to the bathroom. She would cover her face in her hands, sitting on the toilet seat, wanting to rip her hair out, wanting to punch a hole into the stall. Then she would simply wash the tears out of her face and make herself look decent before walking out of the restroom like nothing happened. Her nails were bitten down, and her cuticles were peeled and ruined.

She sighed as she neared the great hall. She wasn't in a very social mood at the moment, and things hadn't gotten much better with Marlene.

"Ariene! Wish happy birthday to Moony," Sirius said. Ariene smiled and nodded to Remus.

"Happy birthday, Remus,"

"Thanks," Remus took a bite of his toast. Ariene sat down. She wasn't hungry, and she just wanted to go back to her dorm. Marlene was sitting at the table, three seats across Ariene. She had her hair tied up in a ponytail, and she didn't meet Ariene's glance.

"So, Remus, what are you doing after breakfast?" James asked. Ariene decided to tune out this conversation.

"Actually, I was hoping to spend some time with Ariene." Ariene looked up at her name.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Want to head to the library after this?" Remus gave her a hopeful look, and Ariene nodded.

"Wow. Remus picks Ariene before his best mates. Not cool, Remu. Not cool." Sirius looked down at his food. Ariene frowned at him. Was he actually upset about this? Was he just pretending?

"Bloody hell, Sirius. Will you quit being such a moody git?" Mary said, in a jokey voice.

"What did you just say?" Ariene looked up at Sirius, who was glaring at Mary. Mary raised an eyebrow.

"Sirius," James said, tapping Sirius's shoulder lightly.

"Don't be dramatic," Mary said.

"I'm going to my dorm," Sirius said, getting up. He tossed his hair as he turned around.

"It's amazing how he can take the spotlight so quickly," Lily sighed.

***

Ariene met Remus by the library. He was leaning against the wall, smoking one of his hand-rolled cigarettes.

"Hi!" Ariene smiled at him.

"Hi," Remus said, giving her a strange look.

"May I?" Ariene asked, reaching her hand out. Remus passed her the cigarette and she took a quick inhale. Ariene passed it back to him and Remus blinked, looking at her nails, before smoking from it.

"How's your friend, Sandrine?" Remus asked. Ariene raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, Sandrine? Yeah, she's- well, I think she's okay. How's your friend, Grant?" Ariene asked, changing the subject. She didn't want to talk about it, and she had just recovered from an episode.

"Grant? He is going to be moved from the children's home. I won't have a way to talk to him for a while."

"I'm sorry. You can talk to me?" Ariene offered. Remus smiled.