First Love

Chapter 03

Chapter 03

It fucking hurts that I coudn't breathe. I just stared at them as my tears endlessly fell on my cheeks. Dad tried to get near me and hold my hand but I just stood there, like a mannequin.

I took my hand in Dad's hand. I tried to move my body and finally, I succeeded but I clearly saw Mom's guilty eyes before I walked away. I heard Dad calling me but I didn't care. I just want to breathe because all the information I found out is too much to handle.

It's suffocating.

Tinakbo ko ang distansya ng bahay namin hanggang sa dulo ng subdibisyon kung saan nakapwesto ang gazebo na lagi kong pinupuntahan. Pagdating na pagdating ko doon ay agad akong napaupo sa panghihina at umiyak ng umiyak. I know this day will come... that I will just gonna explode like a ticking bomb... but I never expected that after this explosion...I can no longer look at my Dad like I used to look at him before.

He's the reason why I'm not giving up, because I know that even Mom is not proud of me... I know he is. At ngayon na wala na akong rason para hindi sumuko... paano na? Hindi ko na kayang humarap sa kanila na ngayon na alam kong isa akong bunga ng isang malaking pagkakamali.

I cried my eyes out the whole night until I unconsciously fell asleep on the bench.

I woke up adjusting my eyes in the sunlight.

Where am I?

I looked at the man sitting beside me.

I saw him. I mean, the curly guy, eating ice cream while holding an umbrella so that the sun does not shine on us. Oh yeah, I freaking fell asleep at the bench. He's staring at the city in front of us, kaya hindi pa niya napansin na gising na ako.

Now that he's so close to me, I can see the features of his face now. Almond shaped eye, tall nose, poreless skin, nice jaw... this man will literally pass a campus walking heartbreak pero siya iyong tipong hindi niya mareject ng diretso kasi sobrang bait at friendly niya. And It will take him a lot of courage to not be guilty about it after he rejected someone.

He caught me staring at him, eyes widened.

"Gagi, gising ka na pala," he looked at me, worried. "Bakit ka dito natulog? Nadaan ako kaninang madaling araw tapos nakita kita dito..."

My heart stung again as I remembered all the things that happened yesterday.

Is it just a dream?

I hope so...

But, I know it's not.

"You should have just woken me up."

"I felt guilty... you look tired..." he said, the worry still evident on his face. I didn't answer. I just stared at the busy city in front of us. "Hindi ka pa ba uuwi? ihahatid kita..." he suggested.

"I don't want to go home."

"But it's nine already and you still didn't eat breakfast yet,"

"Have you been here since you saw me?" I asked. He said na madaling araw niya ako nakita at nandito siya hanggang ngayon. He didn't speak but I saw his ears turn red again.

We didn't talk after that, we stayed silent and I was glad he didn't talk. It confuses me that even though we are in silence I feel comfortable with him which is very unlikely for me because I find silence really awkward, especially to the people I even barely met... like him.

Pero sa tuwing iniisip ko na naman ang nangyari, ang komportableng nararamdaman ay napapalitan ng lungkot. Paano ako haharap sa kanila? Paano ako nagpapanggap na hindi big deal sa akin ang lahat?

I felt him sliding a handkerchief beside me. "Malinis 'yan..." I was confused at first but when I felt my cheeks were wet I knew exactly what he was trying to say.

"I want to go home." After a few silence I have finally decided to leave and face the truth.

"Hatid na kita... kung okay lang?"

I nodded. We walked while he was holding his bike beside him. It was probably a perfect day for me if that hadn't happened. The dancing trees because of the wind... the cold air from the west... it was perfect. At least I enjoy the last minutes before I'll face the truth. I was about to bid my goodbye when he talked.

"Kirsten..."

I turned on him.

"If you need someone to lean on, or to just listen to your problems... I'm just here... no judgement..."

I nodded. I kinda appreciated that he was there earlier, I felt like I had someone who understands me. And I appreciated that he didn't force me to talk even though I know he's curious about what's going on with my life.

I said my thanks to him before going inside. I saw them sitting on the sofa, worried is evident on their faces. When they felt that someone was entering, Dad and Mom immediately looked in my way. Dad hugged me. I didn't move.

I saw Ate Nina and Ate Nira's teary eyes. I bow my head because I can clearly feel Mom's worriedness.

I want to be happy...

Because she's worried for me and I felt like she really loves me.

But it doesn't change the past.

It doesn't change the fact that she is still not my Mom.

Dad scolded me a little and I understood. Minutes later, the police arrived and Dad said to them that I'm here already. I kinda felt guilty about it but crying my lungs out yesterday really helped me a lot.

I felt light.

At least the weight that I've been carrying for so long has been lessened even a little.

We ate breakfast. I haven't talked since I arrived because I didn't know how to act. I can feel them two glancing at me every now and then.

They are guilty even though my Mom was guilty.

But, It's totally fine.

Because compare of what she feels when she found out that her husband fuck some other women in her back. And the fact that her husband got his mistress pregnant and she's living with it on the same roof.

It fucking sucks.

My self issues are nothing compared to her.

I feel so embarrassed to even call her my Mom.

When I know to myself she's not even my Mother.