She was struggling. Her parents were on the brink of divorce, so she protected her siblings from the sharp words that were exchanged. She lost one her best friends, so she came to understand. She was talked about, so she forgave them with her fading love for God. She was "secretly" ridiculed, so she tried to have a more mature perspective. She was laughed at, so she tried to understand them. She was hated for her insecurities, so she tired to change them. She was called annoying and an embarrassment, so she apologised for everything.
Her parents would turn her on the other when it was convenient so she hated them both. But she tried to understand.
She fell in love. Love from hell in the eyes of her conservative Christian parents and in her eyes. The eyes of a 14 year old in love with her best friend. Her friend found out and she panicked, she broke down, she confessed, she crumbled, she faced it head on, but with everything else it was just too hard.
She always had to text first. That frustrated her.
She always had to be willing to talk. That frustrated her.
She always had to talk. She was never talked to. That frustrated her.
She wanted to stop loving her. Her best friend. But she couldn't. That frustrated her.
Her faith was weakening. That saddened her. "God. Are you there? Help me. Help me please. This is all too much for me. Help me. Please."
She tried and tried. It was always her who did the trying. She was so tired, so she quit.
These notes are her journey. Her life. Her heart poured out. This is her.
YOU ARE READING
Random Rants○●
Randoma girl struggling with her spirituality and sexuality, stuck in a suicidal cycle. ~based on a somewhat true story~
