Random Rants○●

20th note

𖣔 27th July 2021:
I've officially given up. This world has been so unkind to me and I wish I could watch it burn.

Polly, Vicky and all the others who talk about me, what have I ever done to you for you to hate me like that? Polly. We literally go to church together and mind our own business. After I fell out with Ade, all you ever do is talk the most shit about me. If I did the same I would be jumped by half of the school but because you do it to me it's fine, in fact half of the school even join in. What did I ever do to you?

Same with you Vicky. We would barely even talk to each other. We would only ever exchange a few words but you always have something to say about me. To me, there is no way I have done anything to offend you. Polly and Vicky if I have ever done anything to offend you I am very sorry. You probably don't care and you probably won't stop even if you know my only crime on this Earth is existing but if I ever have done something wrong I am very sorry. 

Ade I really don't understand you. We were best friends for almost 2 years. My cousin getting involved wasn't right and I apologised but you threw away our whole friendship with one message: Nia was right about you and it took me 2 whole years to see it. Really? the girl who still hates me from a year 7 incident? An incident where i thought lying was the only option and the only way out? You back stabbed me so many time but i forgive you so many times and this happens. Just because I defended trans people. I'm just so tired. You were in the wrong by you saying 'trans men are still women' and vice versa in the name of "Christianity". Christianity doesn't mean picking the parts of the Bible to live and abide by. Christianity is about building your faith and trust in God and Jesus, being kind and not being judgemental because the Bible says God is the supreme judge. But you live how you want to live. And I forgive you. I forgive all of you because the Lord's prayer says "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" and I a Christian I will live by His word and forgive you all before I die.

It's time for me to go. My 3 year old brother may wonder where I went but that's okay. He will grow to understand. I really don't want to leave my siblings but this is all just too much for me.

I won't get to see them grow up, I won't get to see them pass their tests, I won't get to see all my hard work pay off but that's okay.

I won't get an answer so I'm sying with my first love buried in my heart. I'm dying with content so my heart feels full. Thank you to everyone and everything for making this the perfect time to die.