This chapter DOES NOT contain smut but it does contain mention of self harm and suicide
Y/n's pov
I can't take it anymore. It's all too much. It's been going on since I was 9 and I'm now 17. I grab a pen and write a letter to JJ and the others explaining why I've done what I'm going to do. It hurts too much to hold on to everything. I know people say sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go but. It's the letting go that's truely the hardest. My connection between all the pogues is strong but. JJ is different. I've loved him for 3 years now. We always flirt back and forth and insult each other as jokes. He made my life a bit easier. But now. I'm giving up. And I wish I could scream and tell them how sorry I am but. It won't be enough. After I write the letter I close it and walk over to John b's place. "Hey Pope can you hold onto this for me? And uh. Give it to JJ in about 2 hours. Ok?" I ask as i hand the closed letter to Pope "yea of course but why whys this about?" He asks concerned "nothing. Don't worry. Uh hey guys can you all come out here?" I call out to John b, Sarah and Kie. They come out side and I hug each of them. "I love you guys. So so much. And I just wanna say thank you for literally everything. For existing. For being my best friends. My family" I say softly to them all. We hug and I start to walk away "hey Y/n what's wrong? Why'd you say all that?" I hear Kie ask "I just really appreciate oh guys and wanted to let you know" I half lied.
I walk back over to my place and I put the bath on boiling hot water. I take my clothes off and put a hoodie on with only a bra and underwear underneath. Once the bath is full I grab a blade from beneath the bathroom sink and I sit in the water wincing in pain because of how hot it is. I lift the sleeves of my hoodie and draw a deep line with the blade straight down my arm. I look over to my other arm and do the same. As I bleed out I pull my sleeves down and cose my eyes leaning back and letting go. You when they say "when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes"? It's true. Once I closed my eyes all the memories ran back through my mind. Of John b, Pope, Kie, Sarah....and JJ. And all the bad memories flooded my head but soon faded away as I took my very last breathe of life.
JJ's pov
I walk into John b's place and I sit on the couch "hey guys" I smile. "Hey uh JJ Y/n wanted me to give you this. When she handed it to me she said to give it to you in 2 hours and it's been about that. So here you go" Pope hands me a letter with a concerned look in his face. "When she gave it to me she made us all come out here and she said how much she loved and appreciates us and she left. I don't know I. Just think something fishy is going on" Pope finishes. I quickly open the letter panicking and walking out of the Chateau. I read the letter slowly, not prepared for the words that'll come next. "JJ, god how much I love you. I always have JJ I've loved you for 3 years now. And I'm sorry to say goodbye like this but it's the only way I could without you talking me out of it. I want you to tell everyone that I love them and I'll be with them always. And that this isn't their fault in any way. And it's not you're either JJ. You made my life liveable and you filled it with love and joy. So for that I say thank you. No words can describe my love or appreciation for you so. With that I say. Goodbye JJ maybanks
I'll see you in another lifetime my love. I promise
Love-Y/n"
I drop to the floor crying and sobbing. John b, Pope, Sarah and Kie come running up to me and kneeling beside me "JJ what's wrong? What's it say?" I hear Kie panic. She takes the letter off me and reads it for herself. She starts crying and hugs me. "I loved her Kie I loved her so so much. Now she's gone." I sob into chest. She cries with me as they all pass he note around and read it. I pull myself together and i stand up "maybe we can still stop her come on please you guys come on I can't lose her I love her!" I scream. They all get up and we run to Y/n's Chateau. I run to the door but it's locked to I go over to the side of the house and the window is unlocked. For me. She always kept it unlocked in case I needed to see her. I jump in and run out of her room and over to the kitchen and lunge room to find her. "Y/N!" I scream. I run over to her bathroom and I kick the door open to see a lifeless Y/n sitting in the bathtub with blood filled water surrounding her. I fall to my knees sobbing loudly "No no no please Y/n. Please WAKE UP PLEASE" I beg.
Y/n's pov
Then i wake up in tears. "Shit. It was all a dream" I whisper I start sobbing loudly and hugging my knees.
