Y/n's pov
i'm not like the others, you know Kie and Sarah are both so funny and skinny just perfect people and the guys, my lord, their hilarious and sweet and just so amazing you know and i am, chubby and fugly, i have arm fat and really big thighs, i have acne and a lot of stomach fat and, i have self harm scars from my depression, and not to mention I got raped. By my own dad. and of course i haven't told the guys or anyone at all or they'll see me differently, treat me like i' m about to break. that's why i wear jumpers and sweatpants i don't like wearing bikinis, if i look at myself in the mirror with a bikini on i start crying.
i put a baggy black jumper on with baggy grey sweatpants and walk out of my chateau and down the deck, and pulling up is JJ and the boys, with Kie and Sarah. "hey cupcake why are you wearing that? it's like 30 degrees Y/n" i turn to JJ whos walking over to me to help me into the boat "i don't know i guess i'm just cold. Anyways how are you my idiot?" I ask him. He laughs as I step on the boat and replies with "could be better" after we get Kie and Sarah we go around the cut just having fun "hey anyone wanna come in with me? What about you Y/n?" JJ asks as he takes his shirt off making me stare "uh no I'm ok thanks tho" I smile back. He gives me a confused look and stands me up "no J please I don't wanna go in" I say seriously. He smiles innocently and picks me up. I panic and slap his back "NO JJ PUT ME DOWN" I scream at him but he doesn't listen and he throws me in the water "I can't swim" I gurgle on the water. JJ's eyes go wide and he jumps in and swims to me "I'm so sorry Y/n. Him onto me ok?" He assures me. I nod and hold onto him as we swims ya back. I hold onto the boat and he goes back into the boat and helps me up "I'm so sorry Y/n it was just meant to be a joke" "it's fine J. Just don't do that again please" I sit down dripping wet and JJ and Kie sit on either side of me "Hey your dripping wet here take the hoodie off so you can dry better"
Kie suggests and starts to lift my jumper up "NO" I scream at her and stand up. She looks at me sad and begin to tear up "um. I'm sorry I just. I wanna go home JB take me home please" "you got it" I hear. Everyone stares at me weirdly and I look down till we got to the docks. As soon as we reached them I jumped out and ran into my Chateau. As soon as I walk through the door I make sure no one is home and I go into my bedroom and slam the door. I take my jumper off and stare at myself in he mirror and start to cry. Why am I so chubby why can't u cut all the weight off? Why can't I be pretty?
JJ's pov
"Hey uh I'm gonna check on Y/n you jus coming?" I ask the pogues getting out of the boat. "Yes ofc dude" JB replies. We all walk over to Y/n's Chateau and climb through the open window we could see. As I climb through I try be as quiet as I can possibly be. As the rest of the group start climbing through I walk over to Y/n's room and put my ear to the door. I quickly remove it and turn to them "shes crying..."I say plainly. I open the door and we all look through to see Y/n staring at her self in the mirror holding her stomach and crying. And....the scars "I can't do it anymore I can't. No breathe. Just breathe. Shut the fuck up and breathe. It's ok. It's fine. He didn't know you couldn't swim. And Kie didn't know that you've been cuting yourself since you were 16. Doesn't matter. Fuck. I can't breathe." she sobs as she hyperventilates "Y/n.." I say walking into the room
Her eyes dart over to me and she covers herself up with a shit just on her chest and her not actually wearing it. I slowly take it from her hands and move it onto her bed. I hold her arm and kiss it lightly with tears in my eyes "why?" Is the only word I can form "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was the only way to stop the pain I'm sorry" she sobs and hugs me. I hug her back and slowly pull her away "y/n you are beautiful in every way. Ok? Please don't do this to yourself anymore." I beg. Pope, JB, Kie and Sarah walk in and Pope blurts out "what the fuck. Did you do this for attention ?!" I look at him with my blood boiling "why did you do this Y/n?" JB asks calmly "well. Starters. Being a girl. Is the hardest thing ever. Don't have boobs? Get some. Have boobs? Cover them up. Have no ass? No one will like you. Have an ass? Don't show it off or your a whore. And not to mention. Us girls get raped so much more than guys. And all because they can't keep it in their pants. We get told "boys will be boys" and "what were you wearing?" Well you know what the night I got raped I was wearing sweatpants a hoodie and fucking sneakers so it couldn't have been me that was the problem. Every night. I would cry and cry so hard that I would feel the need to scream. So I just. Cut. And it made the feeling go away. It made all the feeling go away. I'm sorry you guys. I know I should've told you but I was scared and I don't want a fucking pity party either I-" she keeps going but I hug her stopping her "sh. It's ok. We understand" she starts to sob and hugs me tightly. "Who Raped you Y/n?.." Kie asks quietly. She lets go of me and looks Kie "my dad.., and he should be home any minute so you guys should go he hates me having people over. If you don't go... he's gonna hit me again" she sobs again. We all hug her for a few minutes and leave so her da doesn't know she had us over.
Y/n's pov
As soon as they all left I cleaned up my Chateau and my room hoping my dad wouldn't hurt me if I didn't. I sat on my bed in a hoodie and sweatpants reading a book when I hear the front door slam "Y/n. Where are you? You worthless whore" my dad screams out to me. I walk out of my bedroom and he slaps me. He pushes me up against the wall and squeezes my breasts "so big and gorgeous" he breathes out. I push him off of me and run out of my Chateau. I run over to John b's and hug JB "hey what's up what's wrong??" He asks in panic "he was gonna do it again. He slapped me and then. And and he kept touching my breasts. He was gonna rape me again. He's gonna be furious that I pushed him. But please please don't make me go back JB" I beg. "Oh my god of course not Y/n your staying." He sighs
Idk lmk if u enjoyed. Ig
